Has internet, apparently! We're using the internet at the USAID office to do research for our presentations (the last assignment for our St. Louis River Valley course) tomorrow morning.
I have surprisingly little to say about the last few days. We've seen a lot of water pumps and rice factories, and heard all manner of presentations in incomprehensible French. I've been exhausted a lot of the time.
Yesterday we all had lunch with one of the host families. They bought and killed a mouton (sheep) for lunch, and we had very fresh mouton with rice and onions. After we had stuffed ourselves, they brought out beverages. And then melon. And then attaya. By the time we finished, the sun was going down. It was wonderful not just because of the food, but also because the whole time we were lounging under this massive mango tree. It was shady and there were pillows and mats and it was just fantastic to get to relax in a comfortable place. I feel like Richard Toll is a little short on comfy places.
I think Theresa and I are going to do our presentation on neo-colonialism. While I research, I'm uploading pictures to Facebook. If you aren't friends with me on FB and you want to see pictures, friend me.
I'm hoping I'll get a nap and get to do some shopping today. And I'm looking forward to going back home to Dakar.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Senegal River Valley
Right now I'm on the island of St Louis, but we leave today to go back to our homestays in a town called Richard Toll (ree-sha TOE. Sounds kind of like chateau (sha-TOE) when people say it.) My host mom is a politician in Dakar. There are three young women, two of whom have kids (but no husbands, as far as I can tell). Everyone at the house is extremely friendly, and there are lots of little kids and babies and young adults around all the time. They've been feeding us well and showing us around the neighborhood. And everyday after lunch they give us crème glacée (frozen creamy juicy stuff in a little plastic pouch that you bite a corner off of) and then attaya, which is quite luxurious!
Now the less luxurious:
There's a baby girl who is about six months old but so far can barely support her head and can't roll over when she's laying on the floor. Judging by what my cousin's six-month-olds can do, I get the sense that she's a little behind. In the mornings, I wake up to her crying endlessly in the courtyard. She only cries until someone comes and holds her, but it takes about an hour most of the time before that happens.
In the mornings, I get up out of bed and step around all the insects on the floor--they congregate in my room at night--and open the door. Two birds who have been keeping watch immediately swoop into the room. They have a next in the corner of the ceiling. One night, we found a huge toad in the room. We can't figure out how it got in, since there's no way it would have fit under the door.
There's nothing in the house that resembles a sink--that is, a faucet with a drain under it. That isn't a big deal, except that I can't put in my contact lenses using the shower to rinse them off--I don't have any spare lenses right now, and I don't want to risk losing one. So I've been brushing my teeth in the shower and wearing glasses a lot.
Okay, so that's home. Now for some select adventures from the last week.
Monday while we were en route to Richard Toll, we got word that Prof Ibou's son had died. There was brief talk of sending Alyssa and me back to Dakar for the funeral, but Rama at the Baobab Center said not to worry about that. Tuesday we were told that we'd be walking in a marsh and to dress accordingly. We drove to this little village with lots of kids who swarmed us and talked to us in some language that was not French, English, or Wolof. My guess is that it was Pulaar, but I have no idea.
We started walking past the village and out into this flat, endless expanse of mud. My sandals kept getting stuck and slipping off my feet, and I kept nearly falling. After about 15 minutes, they gathered us all on a less sticky bit of mud and told us to take off our shoes. We proceeded from there barefoot. We asked Prof Thioub (choob) where we were going, and he said, "Just over there. Not too far." That's the typical Senegalese response for anything. It turned out we were hiking 6 miles barefoot in the mud under full sun with no shade. No one had known that was what we were going to be doing, so only two of us brought water, pretty much no one was wearing sunscreen, and I was the only one who'd brought a scarf to cover my shoulders.
Even though we came back dehydrated, sunburned, and exhausted, we had a phenomenal time. The mud was cool and slippery and felt good between our toes, and the sillyness of what we were doing was wonderful. It turned out that we were going to see rice patties, and it was neat to suddenly emerge from this flat, muddy, brown nothing to these fields and fields of bright green rice.
We saw a lot of water pumps on our various sorties (outings) the last couple of days. We went to a sugar factory. There are lovely beaches along the Senegal River. We went by a farm run by a French neo-colonist and listened to our prof roast him (while smiling sweetly).
Yesterday we went to a wildlife refuge and saw some monkeys and tortoises and gazelles. I had a love thing with one of the tortoises, Martin. He's sixty years old. I squatted down in front of him and chatted with him and he crawled closer and stuck his head out close to mine. I pretended to kiss him. It was great.
We later took little boats down the river to where it feeds into the ocean, la Langue de Barbarie (Barbarie's Tongue). There were crabs everywhere, and they looked like cartoons or something. They were so cute and silly-looking. I collected tons of gorgeous shells. The water was fabulous. Then we hung out at a swanky hotel with a pool and a beach for the afternoon.
Today we head back to Richard Toll, and I probably won't have internet for another week. I'm heading back to Dakar on Saturday, and life will continue pretty much as usual. Hope this isn't too suspenseful for everyone! Have a great week!
Now the less luxurious:
There's a baby girl who is about six months old but so far can barely support her head and can't roll over when she's laying on the floor. Judging by what my cousin's six-month-olds can do, I get the sense that she's a little behind. In the mornings, I wake up to her crying endlessly in the courtyard. She only cries until someone comes and holds her, but it takes about an hour most of the time before that happens.
In the mornings, I get up out of bed and step around all the insects on the floor--they congregate in my room at night--and open the door. Two birds who have been keeping watch immediately swoop into the room. They have a next in the corner of the ceiling. One night, we found a huge toad in the room. We can't figure out how it got in, since there's no way it would have fit under the door.
There's nothing in the house that resembles a sink--that is, a faucet with a drain under it. That isn't a big deal, except that I can't put in my contact lenses using the shower to rinse them off--I don't have any spare lenses right now, and I don't want to risk losing one. So I've been brushing my teeth in the shower and wearing glasses a lot.
Okay, so that's home. Now for some select adventures from the last week.
Monday while we were en route to Richard Toll, we got word that Prof Ibou's son had died. There was brief talk of sending Alyssa and me back to Dakar for the funeral, but Rama at the Baobab Center said not to worry about that. Tuesday we were told that we'd be walking in a marsh and to dress accordingly. We drove to this little village with lots of kids who swarmed us and talked to us in some language that was not French, English, or Wolof. My guess is that it was Pulaar, but I have no idea.
We started walking past the village and out into this flat, endless expanse of mud. My sandals kept getting stuck and slipping off my feet, and I kept nearly falling. After about 15 minutes, they gathered us all on a less sticky bit of mud and told us to take off our shoes. We proceeded from there barefoot. We asked Prof Thioub (choob) where we were going, and he said, "Just over there. Not too far." That's the typical Senegalese response for anything. It turned out we were hiking 6 miles barefoot in the mud under full sun with no shade. No one had known that was what we were going to be doing, so only two of us brought water, pretty much no one was wearing sunscreen, and I was the only one who'd brought a scarf to cover my shoulders.
Even though we came back dehydrated, sunburned, and exhausted, we had a phenomenal time. The mud was cool and slippery and felt good between our toes, and the sillyness of what we were doing was wonderful. It turned out that we were going to see rice patties, and it was neat to suddenly emerge from this flat, muddy, brown nothing to these fields and fields of bright green rice.
We saw a lot of water pumps on our various sorties (outings) the last couple of days. We went to a sugar factory. There are lovely beaches along the Senegal River. We went by a farm run by a French neo-colonist and listened to our prof roast him (while smiling sweetly).
Yesterday we went to a wildlife refuge and saw some monkeys and tortoises and gazelles. I had a love thing with one of the tortoises, Martin. He's sixty years old. I squatted down in front of him and chatted with him and he crawled closer and stuck his head out close to mine. I pretended to kiss him. It was great.
We later took little boats down the river to where it feeds into the ocean, la Langue de Barbarie (Barbarie's Tongue). There were crabs everywhere, and they looked like cartoons or something. They were so cute and silly-looking. I collected tons of gorgeous shells. The water was fabulous. Then we hung out at a swanky hotel with a pool and a beach for the afternoon.
Today we head back to Richard Toll, and I probably won't have internet for another week. I'm heading back to Dakar on Saturday, and life will continue pretty much as usual. Hope this isn't too suspenseful for everyone! Have a great week!
Monday, October 18, 2010
About to Leave
Things here just don't go according to plan. Have you noticed that?
We were supposed to leave yesterday for St. Louis. The prof who was supposed to take us had to stay with his son, who has been in the hospital for 3 weeks with a cerebral hemorrhage. It appears that this son is now in a coma, so everyone in my family and Alyssa's (who are related to Moussa, the son) was very upset yesterday. Prof Ibou told us that we would have to postpone our trip until next week. I hadn't slept Saturday night, so I sleepily went back home and unpacked and went to bed. I spent the day tired and depressed and then got a call from Rama at the school saying that we would be leaving Monday morning at 11. So I had to repack everything and get all ready to go.
Youssou was mad at me yet again for saying things that I really never said. My host sister lost the sketches we gave her for what we wanted our clothes at the tailor to look like.
Went to a house party and then out dancing on Saturday night. I had a lot of fun, but the other girls were getting creeped on by very inappropriate guys. We got back home at about 6 am, and then decided to just stay up since we were supposed to leave at 8. But of course, we didn't leave then.
We're sitting in the bus about to go now, and it's only 2.5 hrs later than planned. I'm looking forward to some time off from my family (aka Youssou), but I'll miss some people (aka Galo, who's the only laid-back, happy, caring, trustworthy guy I've met here). I don't know when I'll be able to post next, but I'm sure I'll have exciting things to report. Wish me luck!
We were supposed to leave yesterday for St. Louis. The prof who was supposed to take us had to stay with his son, who has been in the hospital for 3 weeks with a cerebral hemorrhage. It appears that this son is now in a coma, so everyone in my family and Alyssa's (who are related to Moussa, the son) was very upset yesterday. Prof Ibou told us that we would have to postpone our trip until next week. I hadn't slept Saturday night, so I sleepily went back home and unpacked and went to bed. I spent the day tired and depressed and then got a call from Rama at the school saying that we would be leaving Monday morning at 11. So I had to repack everything and get all ready to go.
Youssou was mad at me yet again for saying things that I really never said. My host sister lost the sketches we gave her for what we wanted our clothes at the tailor to look like.
Went to a house party and then out dancing on Saturday night. I had a lot of fun, but the other girls were getting creeped on by very inappropriate guys. We got back home at about 6 am, and then decided to just stay up since we were supposed to leave at 8. But of course, we didn't leave then.
We're sitting in the bus about to go now, and it's only 2.5 hrs later than planned. I'm looking forward to some time off from my family (aka Youssou), but I'll miss some people (aka Galo, who's the only laid-back, happy, caring, trustworthy guy I've met here). I don't know when I'll be able to post next, but I'm sure I'll have exciting things to report. Wish me luck!
Friday, October 15, 2010
Just another Thursday night?
We leave for St. Louis (pronounced San Loo-EE) on Sunday. We'll be staying in a pretty modern village. We'll all be in the same village, and we'll have two girls per household (sharing a room). They are required to provide us with fans and mosquito nets. The families speak only Wolof, no French. I think we're staying in the homestays for about a week and then staying in a hotel. Every day has at least one field trip, most of which require at least an hour's drive. Throughout the course of the trip, we'll be putting together a presentation in teams of two or three of us plus a Senegalese student.
It sounds to me like lots of fun, and I'm looking forward to getting out of Dakar for a little while.
I had a big debate with Youssou last night. He greeted Alyssa, saying "How are you? How are you and Amadou doing?" He always does that to all the American girls, and he gets upset when anyone says they're not looking for a relationship. It seems to baffle him why any American woman would come to Senegal other than to look for a relationship. I explained to him that it's not interesting for us to be asked questions like that because they're not important and they're personal. He said that he just doesn't want his friends wasting their time with us when we're not interested. The discussion turned into me arguing that women and men can be friends, even if one of them wants more and the other doesn't, without either of them "wasting their time". He said that wasn't the case. The whole time, Youssou's friend Galo, who I adore, was standing in the doorway and putting his face in his hand every time Youssou talked. Occasionally he'd ask Youssou, "Why are you saying that? It's completely ridiculous!" or he'd tell me, "Don't listen to him. He's crazy!"
Later last night we had been planning to go to the airport to see Liz off to the States. They apparently had changed the airport policy recently so you can't enter the airport without a boarding pass. We all said goodbye to her on the phone, and then we sat and talked in my room until 1:30 in the morning. It was nice, because we hadn't had many real get-to-know you conversations with each other. We've mostly only had them with the people we've met here. I really adore the girls in my group, and I'm looking forward to spending the next bunch of months with them.
It sounds to me like lots of fun, and I'm looking forward to getting out of Dakar for a little while.
I had a big debate with Youssou last night. He greeted Alyssa, saying "How are you? How are you and Amadou doing?" He always does that to all the American girls, and he gets upset when anyone says they're not looking for a relationship. It seems to baffle him why any American woman would come to Senegal other than to look for a relationship. I explained to him that it's not interesting for us to be asked questions like that because they're not important and they're personal. He said that he just doesn't want his friends wasting their time with us when we're not interested. The discussion turned into me arguing that women and men can be friends, even if one of them wants more and the other doesn't, without either of them "wasting their time". He said that wasn't the case. The whole time, Youssou's friend Galo, who I adore, was standing in the doorway and putting his face in his hand every time Youssou talked. Occasionally he'd ask Youssou, "Why are you saying that? It's completely ridiculous!" or he'd tell me, "Don't listen to him. He's crazy!"
Later last night we had been planning to go to the airport to see Liz off to the States. They apparently had changed the airport policy recently so you can't enter the airport without a boarding pass. We all said goodbye to her on the phone, and then we sat and talked in my room until 1:30 in the morning. It was nice, because we hadn't had many real get-to-know you conversations with each other. We've mostly only had them with the people we've met here. I really adore the girls in my group, and I'm looking forward to spending the next bunch of months with them.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Meeting and Stuff
This morning I had my Empire des Enfants meeting. It was confusing, to say the least. Here's what I took from it:
-there is a group of 2 or 3 kids who put on circus shows. I know right off that they are way better than me, but they're also all boys, so maybe they could use me for partner-y things
-they have everything they need at Empire des Enfants (EdE)
-they were given by the city a space to use for free at the piscine Olympique (Olympic-size swimming pool), so they practice there now
-practicing at the pool, they have more space and more independence, but EdE has no say over their safety or anything
-it is totally unclear whether or not they would have any interest in having me teach circus stuff at EdE
-they really want me to teach English, though
Right now, I think where we stand is that the director will see if I can do stuff with circus people and I'll teach him English when I get back from St. Louis (we leave Sunday for our rural visit...which I'll have to talk more about later).
This adventure also included using public transit alone for the first time. By the time I was on the bus, I still had no idea where the bus was going or when I was supposed to get off. It was scary, but it also only cost 150 CFA, or about $0.30.
Now for something completely different: one of the girls on the program is going home. I'm glad, because it's clear that Dakar is not a place she can be healthy, but I'm sad that she didn't have more say in the decision and I'll miss having her around.
My panel of advisers (aka friends and family) have pointed out that I might be portraying a lousy image of Caleb, so I thought I'd talk about how great he is for a little while. I wouldn't be so hurt by him if I didn't think he was so fabulous.
On our first date, we went out to coffee, got pizza for dinner, looked at the moon through a telescope, ate fire, played pool, watched a movie, and then spent the night together. Over the last year we went apple-picking, took a day-trip to Yosemite, saw San Francisco, went out to eat bunches of times, went stargazing in a cemetery in the rain, explored the Henderson Castle, watched sunrises and sunsets, tossed around Frisbees, cooked, drank wine, went rock climbing, hiked, drew on each other with Sharpies, and shared hundreds of other fun times. It was by far the most fun I've ever had in a relationship, and I loved almost every moment of it. Caleb is one of the best listeners I've ever met (when he's willing to be in contact, I guess), he's great at taking care of me when I'm sick or sad, and he gives fabulous advice. He is always willing to try new things, and he is always the first to remind me to stand up for myself.
I'm probably one of his biggest fans. But I also know that his method of dealing with stress is generally lousy for the people around him. When he has a problem with someone, his impulse is to find a solution unilaterally and then let the other person know before going through with that solution. It leaves no space to compromise with other people. And that, that method of dealing with stress, is why I'm upset with where things stand. I hope that gives a more balanced perspective on what's going on.
-there is a group of 2 or 3 kids who put on circus shows. I know right off that they are way better than me, but they're also all boys, so maybe they could use me for partner-y things
-they have everything they need at Empire des Enfants (EdE)
-they were given by the city a space to use for free at the piscine Olympique (Olympic-size swimming pool), so they practice there now
-practicing at the pool, they have more space and more independence, but EdE has no say over their safety or anything
-it is totally unclear whether or not they would have any interest in having me teach circus stuff at EdE
-they really want me to teach English, though
Right now, I think where we stand is that the director will see if I can do stuff with circus people and I'll teach him English when I get back from St. Louis (we leave Sunday for our rural visit...which I'll have to talk more about later).
This adventure also included using public transit alone for the first time. By the time I was on the bus, I still had no idea where the bus was going or when I was supposed to get off. It was scary, but it also only cost 150 CFA, or about $0.30.
Now for something completely different: one of the girls on the program is going home. I'm glad, because it's clear that Dakar is not a place she can be healthy, but I'm sad that she didn't have more say in the decision and I'll miss having her around.
My panel of advisers (aka friends and family) have pointed out that I might be portraying a lousy image of Caleb, so I thought I'd talk about how great he is for a little while. I wouldn't be so hurt by him if I didn't think he was so fabulous.
On our first date, we went out to coffee, got pizza for dinner, looked at the moon through a telescope, ate fire, played pool, watched a movie, and then spent the night together. Over the last year we went apple-picking, took a day-trip to Yosemite, saw San Francisco, went out to eat bunches of times, went stargazing in a cemetery in the rain, explored the Henderson Castle, watched sunrises and sunsets, tossed around Frisbees, cooked, drank wine, went rock climbing, hiked, drew on each other with Sharpies, and shared hundreds of other fun times. It was by far the most fun I've ever had in a relationship, and I loved almost every moment of it. Caleb is one of the best listeners I've ever met (when he's willing to be in contact, I guess), he's great at taking care of me when I'm sick or sad, and he gives fabulous advice. He is always willing to try new things, and he is always the first to remind me to stand up for myself.
I'm probably one of his biggest fans. But I also know that his method of dealing with stress is generally lousy for the people around him. When he has a problem with someone, his impulse is to find a solution unilaterally and then let the other person know before going through with that solution. It leaves no space to compromise with other people. And that, that method of dealing with stress, is why I'm upset with where things stand. I hope that gives a more balanced perspective on what's going on.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Baobab Center
I walked in this morning to go to my meeting, and Dwoyen said, "Something is wrong." He told me to go talk to Rama and he'd reschedule my appointment. So I still missed (and am in the process of missing, right now) Wolof class, but instead of having my exciting meeting, I cried in Rama's office about life in general. She was great, and then Dinah came in. Dinah was about to leave when she saw there was a student crying, but then she saw it was me, so she stayed and talked. She said she'd take me out to lunch today, which will be nice.
Everyone was so great about not making me feel like this is just another everyday thing they have to deal with. They really cared what was going on and made sure that I promised to come back to talk whenever I wanted. Dwoyen said, "We're a family here. I'm not some official sitting at a desk. You can talk to me about whatever you want."
My meeting will be rescheduled, and I won't have to be battling tears when I go. This is good.
Everyone was so great about not making me feel like this is just another everyday thing they have to deal with. They really cared what was going on and made sure that I promised to come back to talk whenever I wanted. Dwoyen said, "We're a family here. I'm not some official sitting at a desk. You can talk to me about whatever you want."
My meeting will be rescheduled, and I won't have to be battling tears when I go. This is good.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
At a Loss (edit)
Someone please explain to me what I'm doing wrong with Caleb. I don't understand why the part of my life that made me happiest a month and a half ago is now such a mess, and I don't think I'm patient enough to wait five months to understand. Really, what am I supposed to do here?
Edit: I keep trying to think "this is harder for him," etc. The truth is, though, I would never do something like this to someone in a situation like mine. In the one time I did ask someone to stop contacting me, I waited until he was in a position to be well taken care of. Last night, when I was feeling my worst, my entire extended family was at a wedding. My friends at K were doing their homework for Monday. I was with friends, but not people who know me well. Alyssa is very sweet, but even she acknowledged that she didn't know me well enough to know what to do for me. Not to mention, the only chocolate ice cream in the city is downtown--I have no access at night.
I felt that I needed to get a few things straight with Caleb last night, so I texted him and said we needed to talk. Immediately his response was anger. I feel like that's how it's been since I left the States, and I don't know where that anger is coming from. In terms of last night, I can understand that he was angry that I went against his request. But he wouldn't answer any of my questions or respond to my concerns, so I was left even more confused and depressed than I started.
He's uncomfortable that I'm posting about him on my blog. I do understand that, but the purpose of this blog is to say what's on my mind so I don't have to repeat things to everyone I talk to. I keep things as impersonal as possible, and I try to only write about my thoughts and feelings. I'm not making any statements or assumptions about him as a person.
Edit: I keep trying to think "this is harder for him," etc. The truth is, though, I would never do something like this to someone in a situation like mine. In the one time I did ask someone to stop contacting me, I waited until he was in a position to be well taken care of. Last night, when I was feeling my worst, my entire extended family was at a wedding. My friends at K were doing their homework for Monday. I was with friends, but not people who know me well. Alyssa is very sweet, but even she acknowledged that she didn't know me well enough to know what to do for me. Not to mention, the only chocolate ice cream in the city is downtown--I have no access at night.
I felt that I needed to get a few things straight with Caleb last night, so I texted him and said we needed to talk. Immediately his response was anger. I feel like that's how it's been since I left the States, and I don't know where that anger is coming from. In terms of last night, I can understand that he was angry that I went against his request. But he wouldn't answer any of my questions or respond to my concerns, so I was left even more confused and depressed than I started.
He's uncomfortable that I'm posting about him on my blog. I do understand that, but the purpose of this blog is to say what's on my mind so I don't have to repeat things to everyone I talk to. I keep things as impersonal as possible, and I try to only write about my thoughts and feelings. I'm not making any statements or assumptions about him as a person.
Weekend Number 5
Friday night:
Everyone wanted to go dancing except me. Katy wasn't feeling well, so she and I and a few others were going to make attaya instead. At the last minute, though, I ended up going to Sarr's house (remember him from weekend 2?) so he could explain to me how he hadn't misled me by introducing himself to me by a different name than he'd told to another girl on the program. We (really I) made attaya. I made great mousse (the foam you make by pouring tea back and forth from one cup to another [see photo])! He was impressed speechless. I was really tired and a little depressed all day, though, so it wasn't an especially exciting visit.
Everyone wanted to go dancing except me. Katy wasn't feeling well, so she and I and a few others were going to make attaya instead. At the last minute, though, I ended up going to Sarr's house (remember him from weekend 2?) so he could explain to me how he hadn't misled me by introducing himself to me by a different name than he'd told to another girl on the program. We (really I) made attaya. I made great mousse (the foam you make by pouring tea back and forth from one cup to another [see photo])! He was impressed speechless. I was really tired and a little depressed all day, though, so it wasn't an especially exciting visit.
Saturday:
I woke up VERY depressed. I couldn't make myself get out of bed, so I just laid there for hours, reading for a while, then setting the book down and crying for a while, then reading some more. I wrote a very desperate letter to Caleb that I didn't send, just like all the others. So far I think I've written four since last Sunday. Eventually I got up and took a shower, which was good. I hung out most of the day with Alyssa.
We went to a softball game, which turned out to be major culture shock. Not just because the softball field was just that--a FIELD--which I hadn't seen here, but because everyone was speaking English. Without an accent. Not to mention that the vast majority of people were white. And they were playing American music and selling hot dogs and the entire thing was just completely surreal. We ate a breakfast of bananas longer than our forearms, Fanta, and water.
Later on, we joined up with a bunch of other people from the program and went to a soccer game. It was Senegal vs. Mauritania (or something like that) so it was HUGE! It was really fun to watch, and we won 7-0. After that we did attaya at Katy's house and watched half of Lost In Translation and went to bed.
Sunday:
I layered Katy's hair this morning. I'm a big fan of cutting hair, and I've gotten reasonably good at it, which is cool. There was a sortie (outing) to the banlieus (suburbs) today, which was really interesting, but exhausting. That was about it for today, I guess. Back home in California, my lovely cousin Kasi is getting married, and I wish I could be there to see it. Tomorrow at 11 I have an appointment to see about circus teaching.
As much fun as I'm having, I'm having a really tough time with Caleb's absence in my life. I realize that he's against compromising on this, and I continue telling myself that I'm strong enough that I don't need to find a compromise, but this is affecting my experience here and my life. If it's so hard to get myself out of bed after a week without contact, I can't imagine what a month would feel like. And I really don't want to find out. I don't think this is something that will make me/us stronger with time. I feel like it'll make me unfocused and then miserable, and when I get back and find that he's moved on and I haven't, it'll make me miserable. I think I skipped the "bargaining" phase and have been switching back and forth between anger and depression. It's not so fun.
We'll see what tomorrow brings.
Friday, October 8, 2010
My Crazy Thursday Night
It started out pretty normal. Katy and Theresa came over and I trimmed Katy's hair (and did a pretty darn good job, too!). Then we ate dinner, and then Katy and Galo (superstar soccer player, my next-door neighbor, and a close friend of Youssou's) and Youssou and I went for a walk.
Skip ahead to Wolof class today. Oumoul, my teacher, asks me in Wolof, "What did you do last night?" I answer, "I went to the beach." She thinks I've misspoken and asks me in French what I did.
"I went to the beach by Mermoz (my neighborhood) with a friend and two Senegalese boys. There were two cops who came over and asked us for our identification (it's illegal to go around without i.d. here). Katy didn't have hers, so they said that wasn't okay and that they'd have to take her in to the station. Youssou said they couldn't do that because we live nearby and have a right to be here. The cop said that Youssou could go in her place. They talked for a while and then suddenly the cops walked away and said we could go. We started walking away and then these two men, not in uniform, asked if we'd seen two men posing as police officers. They were the real police, and they were looking for these other two men, who were just bandits! It was very strange." (Yes, I said all this in French.)
So...we got stopped by two men pretending to be police officers and then saw the two men looking to arrest them! It was crazy!
Later that night, I had a serious talk with Youssou. We wanted to make sure we were on the same page as far as going out/not going out. He said he really wanted to be in a serious relationship with me. He said we could go out for two or three years and then I can move here. WHAT?!?! I told him that was not a possibility. In fact, I told him, I have no interest in a relationship. At all. With anyone.
Today at lunch we repeated most of this conversation. It was all in good humor, and it wasn't uncomfortable, and he understands, but he's really hoping I'll change my mind. But he does know what's going on, which is a relief.
It was a crazy night! And now I'm in for a crazy Friday. Fortunately, I'm having the time of my life. Unfortunately, I would like to be in touch with the man who is the reason I'm not interested in anything with the men here. We'll see about that.
Crazy crazy crazy.
Skip ahead to Wolof class today. Oumoul, my teacher, asks me in Wolof, "What did you do last night?" I answer, "I went to the beach." She thinks I've misspoken and asks me in French what I did.
"I went to the beach by Mermoz (my neighborhood) with a friend and two Senegalese boys. There were two cops who came over and asked us for our identification (it's illegal to go around without i.d. here). Katy didn't have hers, so they said that wasn't okay and that they'd have to take her in to the station. Youssou said they couldn't do that because we live nearby and have a right to be here. The cop said that Youssou could go in her place. They talked for a while and then suddenly the cops walked away and said we could go. We started walking away and then these two men, not in uniform, asked if we'd seen two men posing as police officers. They were the real police, and they were looking for these other two men, who were just bandits! It was very strange." (Yes, I said all this in French.)
So...we got stopped by two men pretending to be police officers and then saw the two men looking to arrest them! It was crazy!
Later that night, I had a serious talk with Youssou. We wanted to make sure we were on the same page as far as going out/not going out. He said he really wanted to be in a serious relationship with me. He said we could go out for two or three years and then I can move here. WHAT?!?! I told him that was not a possibility. In fact, I told him, I have no interest in a relationship. At all. With anyone.
Today at lunch we repeated most of this conversation. It was all in good humor, and it wasn't uncomfortable, and he understands, but he's really hoping I'll change my mind. But he does know what's going on, which is a relief.
It was a crazy night! And now I'm in for a crazy Friday. Fortunately, I'm having the time of my life. Unfortunately, I would like to be in touch with the man who is the reason I'm not interested in anything with the men here. We'll see about that.
Crazy crazy crazy.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Family Mysteries Unraveled
Doesn't that sound intense?
I've been finding out more about my host family and discovered that what I thought originally was mostly untrue. So here's my family:
Mama: Seynobou Mbaye
-runs a beauty supply store at the end of the street
-has three children, plus one
-had three more (two girls and a boy) who died (I'm guessing in infancy)
Papa: I don't know his name yet
-used to be director of the ports of Dakar, now unemployed
Oldest sister: Oumie
-dresses up fancy every day for work--I think she works as a tailor or something?
Brother: Youssou
-just found work as a supervisor someplace where he's in charge of sorting papers...or something
Younger sister: Aida
-age 15, goes to high school
Not-sister: Seynobou
-named after Mama and given to her by Papa's brother
-I'm not in Kansas any more
It was good that I figured out that Mama owns the beauty boutique, because I'd been wondering why people were always hauling beauty supplies by the busload into and out of our house.
Also, there's now a working light in my bathroom! AND a flushing toilet! I have never known such luxury (or, I haven't known it to be luxury when I've had it).
Youssou wants me to go with him and his friends to Goree Island this weekend, but it'd cost about $40, and I've already spent too much this week. I don't know that I'm willing to spend that much on one weekend, especially when lodging is...uncertain (read: I'm pretty sure that I'd somehow end up sharing a room with Youssou, which I'm not so okay with).
I bought gorgeous fabrics the day before yesterday, and I'm itching to take them to the tailor to get clothing made. Let me know if you want me to get something made for you. Also, leave me comments. They make me happy and let me know that people are actually reading this.
I've been finding out more about my host family and discovered that what I thought originally was mostly untrue. So here's my family:
Mama: Seynobou Mbaye
-runs a beauty supply store at the end of the street
-has three children, plus one
-had three more (two girls and a boy) who died (I'm guessing in infancy)
Papa: I don't know his name yet
-used to be director of the ports of Dakar, now unemployed
Oldest sister: Oumie
-dresses up fancy every day for work--I think she works as a tailor or something?
Brother: Youssou
-just found work as a supervisor someplace where he's in charge of sorting papers...or something
Younger sister: Aida
-age 15, goes to high school
Not-sister: Seynobou
-named after Mama and given to her by Papa's brother
-I'm not in Kansas any more
It was good that I figured out that Mama owns the beauty boutique, because I'd been wondering why people were always hauling beauty supplies by the busload into and out of our house.
Also, there's now a working light in my bathroom! AND a flushing toilet! I have never known such luxury (or, I haven't known it to be luxury when I've had it).
Youssou wants me to go with him and his friends to Goree Island this weekend, but it'd cost about $40, and I've already spent too much this week. I don't know that I'm willing to spend that much on one weekend, especially when lodging is...uncertain (read: I'm pretty sure that I'd somehow end up sharing a room with Youssou, which I'm not so okay with).
I bought gorgeous fabrics the day before yesterday, and I'm itching to take them to the tailor to get clothing made. Let me know if you want me to get something made for you. Also, leave me comments. They make me happy and let me know that people are actually reading this.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
I Forgot!
When I was posting yesterday about the baptism, I forgot the best part! On Friday, before we went home for attaya, we went to this little festival thing. It was really just a little area fenced in with cloth. There were chairs set up facing a makeshift stage, plus a little blanket on the ground for the kids. We walked in and everyone stared at us (not unusual) and they cleared out some chairs in the front row for us. When they were set to start, the emcee said, "Asalaa Maalekum!" No one responded. He said it again, and we said, "Maalekum Salaam!", which is the proper response, but no one else said anything. We looked around, and everyone (I mean literally, every person there) was staring at us. The emcee was just talking to us! We were the only white people there. He also asked us how we were doing and whether we spoke Wolof. Turns out the whole thing--there were little skits--was in Wolof.
So that was fun.
I talked to Youssou last night and he said he was upset that I was sad because I deserve to be happy. He was talking about it like he was mad at me, though, so I pointed out that it was unrealistic to expect anyone to be happy all the time. He said he understood. He wants to visit me in St.Louis when we're on our rural visit, but I'm not sure whether I want him to. He also wants to go to the beach with me all weekend...which is a little much for me. Especially since he seems to want it to just be the two of us. So I'll need to tell him to chill out a little soon. As it is, I made sure that he understands that I'm not going to go out with him because I'm not ready to see someone now, and probably won't be for a while. He respects that, which makes my life easier.
Afternoon class today was cancelled, so maybe we'll go to the market later? Or I'll just rest and get over this nasty cold. Either way, beats sitting in class feeling icky.
So that was fun.
I talked to Youssou last night and he said he was upset that I was sad because I deserve to be happy. He was talking about it like he was mad at me, though, so I pointed out that it was unrealistic to expect anyone to be happy all the time. He said he understood. He wants to visit me in St.Louis when we're on our rural visit, but I'm not sure whether I want him to. He also wants to go to the beach with me all weekend...which is a little much for me. Especially since he seems to want it to just be the two of us. So I'll need to tell him to chill out a little soon. As it is, I made sure that he understands that I'm not going to go out with him because I'm not ready to see someone now, and probably won't be for a while. He respects that, which makes my life easier.
Afternoon class today was cancelled, so maybe we'll go to the market later? Or I'll just rest and get over this nasty cold. Either way, beats sitting in class feeling icky.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Grieving
I'm having a hard time right now. I had a great time at the baptism, but I'll talk about that a little later. For now, I'll talk about Caleb. I got a text from him on my way home from the baptism explaining that he thought it would be best if we didn't talk again until I get back to the U.S. There was an email from him waiting for me when I got home, and then I called to discuss things with him. I understand that he's been having a much harder time than me being apart, but our priorities are different. He wants to be able to move on and see other people. I don't particularly want to move on and I'm indifferent at best about seeing other people. Not talking will be hard for both of us, but it will help him attain what he wants without doing anything for my goals. Also, he can read my blog if he wants to know what's going on in my life. I have no way of doing the same.
Today marks the first day of five months of no contact with Caleb, who's been a fundamental part of my life for the last year. Today also marks exactly one year since our first date. I bet he doesn't remember that.
So now we're going to watch Erica go through Kubler-Ross's Six Stages of Grief.
Stage one: Denial
This one happened after I got the text but before I talked to him on the phone. This is the part where I was telling myself that he would change his mind after we talked. Clearly, in this stage, I forgot about how stubborn he is.
Stage two: Anger
This is where I am right now. Not only is cutting off contact NOT conducive to having a future with someone, it's also not fair to the other person and it's selfish. I realize he has to put himself first just like everyone else, but there are better ways of doing that. I think it's stupid that he's dealing with the fact that we're both still in love with each other by pushing me further and further away, rather than listening to what he feels. I know he's had bad experiences with long distance relationships, but I'm not that girl. It doesn't have to be that way.
Things to look forward to: Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance
Now for the baptism.
We were planning to leave at 11:00 am for downtown, where we'd catch the bus to Kaolack. Naturally, we didn't leave until 12:15-ish, and didn't get on the bus until about 1:15. Someone had taken all our seats, so we were standing awkwardly when the bus started moving until they figured out who to kick off. Our seats, when we got to use them, were fold-out seats in the aisle. The backs of the seats came up to about the bottom of my shoulderblades, and there wasn't much padding on them. The man to my right had a stutter and I'm not sure he spoke any French, but he seemed determined to talk to me. I tried to understand him for a while, and then got frustrated and started trying to ignore him instead. Then later, I looked down and saw a spider on my lap. I quickly brushed it away--it was a jumping spider! It went hopping all over my area while I silently freaked out. It was hot, and there was very little breeze on the bus. The ride was 6 hours. That was a new level of discomfort for me.
We got in and had "lunch" (by then it was about 8) and dinner was maybe an hour later. Both were delicious, but would have been better if they'd been spaced out more. We made attaya that night, which was a lot of fun. Katy's "uncle" (he's in his late 20s) is vulgar and flirtatious, but he's also really funny. It's interesting--a lot of "stylish" men here dress in styles that we consider gay in the U.S.
On Saturday morning, we were supposed to go back to the big house where the baptism was happening at 8:00. I woke up at 7, and our house was dead silent. I decided to wait around until I heard some movement, which wound up being about 8:30. Then I had a hypoglycemic attack, then Amadou had to get a haircut, then we finally got to the house at 10:30. We'd missed the actual ceremony, unfortunately. They taped it, though, so we'll get to see it. For now, I can describe what happens at a Muslim baptism.
The baptism is actually more of a naming ceremony. They bring out the baby and two sheep, and they kill the sheep and then whisper in the baby's ears what its name is. This baby is now a Muhammad, just like his father. Then they dance and sing and serve lakh, a hot cereal with yogurt on it.
I slept in a bedroom for a bunch of hours, and Katy and Alyssa joined me for the end. Then we socialized, ate lunch and dinner (peas!!!), and went home to sleep. We went back Sunday morning for breakfast (bread with a chocolate spread like Nutella, but made with peanuts, and coffee) and lunch (cheb bu jen!), which were delicious.
Coming back, we decided to hire a car rather than taking the bus. The family said it would be more comfortable and take half the time, and it was only 1.5 times the price! They were wrong on both counts, though. They stuck the three of us toubab girls in the way back with our bags, so we didn't have enough space to move our legs at all. The car didn't stop at all (the bus stopped for lunch) and there was exhaust leaking in, so I felt a little queasy from breathing fumes. 6 hours later, we got home. Enter drama with Caleb.
Also, sharing a bed with Alyssa, who's sick, got me sick. So now I have a cold, I didn't get any sleep last night, I'm not allowed to talk to one of my closest friends, and I'm pretty depressed.
Oh, and Youssou is mad at me for going out this weekend.
I'm pretty sure this week will get better. I'm looking forward to that.
Today marks the first day of five months of no contact with Caleb, who's been a fundamental part of my life for the last year. Today also marks exactly one year since our first date. I bet he doesn't remember that.
So now we're going to watch Erica go through Kubler-Ross's Six Stages of Grief.
Stage one: Denial
This one happened after I got the text but before I talked to him on the phone. This is the part where I was telling myself that he would change his mind after we talked. Clearly, in this stage, I forgot about how stubborn he is.
Stage two: Anger
This is where I am right now. Not only is cutting off contact NOT conducive to having a future with someone, it's also not fair to the other person and it's selfish. I realize he has to put himself first just like everyone else, but there are better ways of doing that. I think it's stupid that he's dealing with the fact that we're both still in love with each other by pushing me further and further away, rather than listening to what he feels. I know he's had bad experiences with long distance relationships, but I'm not that girl. It doesn't have to be that way.
Things to look forward to: Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance
Now for the baptism.
We were planning to leave at 11:00 am for downtown, where we'd catch the bus to Kaolack. Naturally, we didn't leave until 12:15-ish, and didn't get on the bus until about 1:15. Someone had taken all our seats, so we were standing awkwardly when the bus started moving until they figured out who to kick off. Our seats, when we got to use them, were fold-out seats in the aisle. The backs of the seats came up to about the bottom of my shoulderblades, and there wasn't much padding on them. The man to my right had a stutter and I'm not sure he spoke any French, but he seemed determined to talk to me. I tried to understand him for a while, and then got frustrated and started trying to ignore him instead. Then later, I looked down and saw a spider on my lap. I quickly brushed it away--it was a jumping spider! It went hopping all over my area while I silently freaked out. It was hot, and there was very little breeze on the bus. The ride was 6 hours. That was a new level of discomfort for me.
We got in and had "lunch" (by then it was about 8) and dinner was maybe an hour later. Both were delicious, but would have been better if they'd been spaced out more. We made attaya that night, which was a lot of fun. Katy's "uncle" (he's in his late 20s) is vulgar and flirtatious, but he's also really funny. It's interesting--a lot of "stylish" men here dress in styles that we consider gay in the U.S.
On Saturday morning, we were supposed to go back to the big house where the baptism was happening at 8:00. I woke up at 7, and our house was dead silent. I decided to wait around until I heard some movement, which wound up being about 8:30. Then I had a hypoglycemic attack, then Amadou had to get a haircut, then we finally got to the house at 10:30. We'd missed the actual ceremony, unfortunately. They taped it, though, so we'll get to see it. For now, I can describe what happens at a Muslim baptism.
The baptism is actually more of a naming ceremony. They bring out the baby and two sheep, and they kill the sheep and then whisper in the baby's ears what its name is. This baby is now a Muhammad, just like his father. Then they dance and sing and serve lakh, a hot cereal with yogurt on it.
I slept in a bedroom for a bunch of hours, and Katy and Alyssa joined me for the end. Then we socialized, ate lunch and dinner (peas!!!), and went home to sleep. We went back Sunday morning for breakfast (bread with a chocolate spread like Nutella, but made with peanuts, and coffee) and lunch (cheb bu jen!), which were delicious.
Coming back, we decided to hire a car rather than taking the bus. The family said it would be more comfortable and take half the time, and it was only 1.5 times the price! They were wrong on both counts, though. They stuck the three of us toubab girls in the way back with our bags, so we didn't have enough space to move our legs at all. The car didn't stop at all (the bus stopped for lunch) and there was exhaust leaking in, so I felt a little queasy from breathing fumes. 6 hours later, we got home. Enter drama with Caleb.
Also, sharing a bed with Alyssa, who's sick, got me sick. So now I have a cold, I didn't get any sleep last night, I'm not allowed to talk to one of my closest friends, and I'm pretty depressed.
Oh, and Youssou is mad at me for going out this weekend.
I'm pretty sure this week will get better. I'm looking forward to that.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Surprise!
I'm leaving town! I'm skipping class today to leave town with Katy and Alyssa to go to Katy's newborn host brother's baptism in Kaolack. I'm excited and nervous and have no idea what to expect. We're leaving in about an hour. Unfortunately, Youssou is now annoyed because he wanted to spend the weekend with me. Good sign that this is not someone I should ever date--I am not going to stop making my own decisions and seizing opportunities.
Last night Meredith came over for dinner and we had peas!! We had "petit poids" a week or two ago, and it was delicious. Yesterday lunch wasn't ready until just about when I needed to head to school, so I didn't get to eat much. Mama was really upset about that, so she said she'd make something extra special for dinner. So we had peas and I was really happy. Meredith and Youssou and Sarah and I went for a walk, and then Meredith and I went and hung out with Billy! It was really nice; I like Billy. I got to introduce him to Andrew, and I hung out with a bunch of little Senegalese kids who taught us clapping games and songs. It was a nice night.
Now I need to send my resume out (again) to the people at Empire des Enfants (school for street kids) to see if I can teach some circus stuff there. Keep your fingers crossed for me!
Last night Meredith came over for dinner and we had peas!! We had "petit poids" a week or two ago, and it was delicious. Yesterday lunch wasn't ready until just about when I needed to head to school, so I didn't get to eat much. Mama was really upset about that, so she said she'd make something extra special for dinner. So we had peas and I was really happy. Meredith and Youssou and Sarah and I went for a walk, and then Meredith and I went and hung out with Billy! It was really nice; I like Billy. I got to introduce him to Andrew, and I hung out with a bunch of little Senegalese kids who taught us clapping games and songs. It was a nice night.
Now I need to send my resume out (again) to the people at Empire des Enfants (school for street kids) to see if I can teach some circus stuff there. Keep your fingers crossed for me!
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