I have a family!

Two of them actually!  They met tonight in Dakar after one of the longest days (and best) of my life.  I'll write about it later, but I'm trying to build some suspense for now.  Yay Senegal and family and love!  Oh, and I performed with SenCirk today, which was fabulous.

An uneventful week?

I haven't posted lately because I haven't felt like I had anything to post about, but that's kind of crazy.  So here's some of what's been happening in my life:

Last Friday we officially finished classes for the "quarter", then we got all dressed up and went back to Diamond to meet up with our new celebrity friends.  There were way too many people there, everyone was smoking, the music was (of course) too loud to understand anyone who was talking to me, and I didn't actually have any desire to dance.

Y.Dee, the emcee we met Tuesday, had been texting me all week and making it clear that he wanted to go out with me.  Friday night he said he wanted to be in a serious relationship with me and wants me to meet his family. I can't help but think that's hilarious, given that I don't know him at all, or vice versa.  Not to mention, I'm not over my last serious relationship.  Apparently a friend of his told Meredith, "I want to get serious with you like Y.Dee is with Erica."  So I guess I'll have to put an end to that soon.  Senegalese boys are just crazy.

Saturday I had circus at 9 in the morning, so I didn't get much sleep.  I did have a great time, though.  Every time I hang out with the circus gang, I love them even more.  This morning, I got a standing ovation from all the boys for figuring out how to re-assemble our puzzle-style interlocking tumbling mat.  I was the one who decided to figure out how many pieces there were (140) and thus what its dimensions should be (10 x 14), after we had tried to haphazardly put it together incorrectly without knowing the dimensions.

On the way home from circus today, Modou told me that he's proud of me for coming in, training with them, doing good work on the fabric, helping out without being asked, and generally fitting in well with the group.  It kind of made my day.

I don't remember much of what I did for the rest of my Saturday, but I went to bed early, slept in late, and then napped a lot on Sunday.  Sunday night we all saw Sarah off to the airport.  I cried less than I expected to, but it was still really sad.  I can't believe that she won't be here for the rest of our time here.  Also, Friday night I had to say goodbye to several people from another study abroad program who I'd gotten close to.  I already miss them too.

On a brighter note, my family is coming in a week!  In fact, a little less than a week!  I can't wait to see them.  Miraculously, my circus performance was postponed until the 26th, so they'll be here to see it.  I think we're going to have a little Christmas dessert party in the apartment on the 25th.

I should also mention that things with Caleb are resolved to exactly where I wanted them to be in the first place.  It makes my mind a happier place not to have that be an issue anymore.

This evening I'm going to the market with Rachel and some others, and then hopefully picking up clothes from the tailor.

Oh, and I've been meaning to do this for a while.  Here's a list of books I've read since I came to Senegal:
The Last Song
Dear John
The Truth About My Fathers
Pride and Prejudice
The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
The Girl Who Played With Fire
The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest
What is the What
The Village of Waiting

Okay, general conclusion to this post (since it so completely lacks one so far).  I'm enjoying my time here, and thinking about ever leaving is surreal.  I'm definitely not ready to go yet, but I am recognizing some things that I miss from home (like blenders and pillows that aren't lumpy).  At the same time, I've adjusted to the point where the hardness of my mattress and frequency of power outages isn't noticeable any more.  It's just part of an ordinary day of an ordinary life (no, Dad, I don't think my life is ordinary).  I've heard about the three-month point in study abroad being a turning point, and I can definitely feel that I've been significantly more comfortable lately than I had been since arriving.

What the hell happened last night?

I remember everything, but I'm trying to believe that it actually happened.  Here's how it went down:

We finished our final class and final presentations, and then promptly headed downstairs and drank beer.  Then we went home for dinner, got dressed up, and headed out to a club.  We were planning on going to Duplex, which is a swanky club downtown, but it was closed, so we went to Diamond instead.  Diamond is another swanky club, but we got in for free rather than the usual $10.

Then Meredith and Christine chatted up the owner of the club, who said we could get free entry any time.  Then he gave us a bottle of Absolut vodka and juices and ice for drinks.  We saw later that they charge $100 for that bottle of alcohol normally.

Meredith and Theresa and I went and ate a snack at the restaurant in the club, and then we met some interesting people.  First was Al Hassan, the famous soccer player who plays in France.  He's in Dakar for a concert and to work with his association that provides aid and Christmas gifts to Talibe (quaranic scholar children who are forced to beg in the streets).  He was extremely amused by our Senegalese names and sat down at our table with us to chat.

Then his other friends came over--a rapper and an MC.  I didn't get to talk to the rapper much, but I spent a lot of time with the MC, who called himself YD.  He knew all kinds of famous artists, and he'd MC'd for most of them.  He was doing a lot of MC work for the World Festival of Black Arts, which just started in Dakar.  The festival has attracted various presidents and tourists from all over the world.  There are artists from everywhere here right now, and there are free concerts every night.  It's crazy, and I'm loving it.  So apparently YD is super involved in the festival, which means he's connected like crazy.

As the night went on, more and more famous artists and people kept coming in to the club and seeing their friends with us and chatting with us.  It was a great time and kind of surreal.  Lesson learned: go clubbing on Tuesdays and speak Wolof as much as possible.

What a great Tuesday night.

Time Keeps on Slipping

I can't believe we're halfway through December already!  My family is coming in less than two weeks!

The circus show at the pool is a week from Friday, which is coming up fast.  Yesterday I was at circus from 3-7:30.  I'm a little sore today.

We went to Toubab Diallaw this last weekend, and it was gorgeous.  I got to take a drumming class, make a batik, and make a clay baobab tree.  I think I'll take my family back there when they visit.  Conveniently, it's not far from Dakar, and Lac Rose and the animal reservation are on the way.  Perfect!  Also, there's wifi there, the room we slept in cost $8/night, they provide toilet paper, the resort is right on the ocean, and there are hammocks everywhere.  Oh, and the food is fabulous.  And the landscaping is unbelievable.

I decided to just put up pictures of this place instead of trying to describe it.

Oh, there's a circus performance at Toubab Diallaw before the one at the pool, so I may be going back there soon.  They may also decide that it'd be easier not to take me (since they can't rig the silk there anyways), which would be fine.

I don't think there's anything else especially interesting going on, but I'm sure that will change soon.  Ba bennen! (Until next time!)

Circus

Finally, the long awaited post.  Awaited by me, anyways.

SenCirk is composed of somewhere around 12 young men and a woman named Valentina, who is French.  Anya is a Swedish woman who comes every year to help with training and shows.  Modou and Al Hassan are the leaders of the troupe.  Modou trained with Anya in Sweden in 2008 (I think?) and I believe Al Hassan trained at a Guinean circus school.

I paid 13,500 CFA ($27) to get 10 workouts with the circus people.  So far I've been to three morning practices and had two private lessons, so ten for the month will almost definitely not be enough.

I'm pretty definitely in the performance on the 25th, which is the one at the Olympic pool rigged under the diving board over the pool.  I've always (since I started doing silks) dreamed of doing silks over water, so I'm really excited about this

I'm pretty out of shape right now, given that I had 4 months with no circus workouts.  It sucks.  Still, I'm doing a lot better than I (or anyone else) expected.  I should be at about the same level as Modou (who I can call the national expert at aerial silks) when I'm back in normal shape.  He's a lot stronger than me, but I'm a lot more flexible, so it balances out.

Modou is great.  I'm really excited that he's the one I'm working with, because he's not arrogant, creepy, or discouraging.  He always seems a little sheepish, and his French is not very good, but he's an extremely nice guy and he knows a lot of tricks that I don't know.  We're doing a lot of exchanging, which is a lot of fun.  I'm thinking of ordering some rigging equipment to gift to SenCirk, because theirs is not nearly good enough.

I feel really lucky that everyone at SenCirk has been so welcoming and friendly, and no one has questioned my abilities or intentions.  It's great to see that circus people are circus people all over the world.  Everyone is silly and happy and loves playing around and making people smile.  No one is too serious to have a good time.  I feel really at home around them, and I can't express how glad I am to have found them.

Also, SenCirk is the top circus troupe in Senegal, and Modou is the best at silks, so I'm getting private lessons from the best guy in the country.  That'll be fun to put on my resume.  Bwahaha.

On a different note, my friend Rachel came to Dakar last night! She was one of my first childhood friends, and I had a great time hanging out with her and showing her around Dakar today.  I made her do a lot of walking, but it was fun (for me, at least.  Hopefully for her, too).

This weekend we're going to Toubab Diallo, which is a sort of resort.  They have classes in batik, ballet, acroyoga, drumming, and all sorts of other cool things.  I'm looking forward to it.

Sokone

I'm writing this on the bus back from Sokone on Sunday, Dec 5.  I'll try to get in the most important parts of my weekend, but mostly I want to focus on Saturday.

On Thursday night, we all went out for dinner and then dancing to celebrate Meredith's 21st birthday.  I got tired of dancing pretty quickly, and then happened to end up talking to a guy I'd danced with a little.  He's from Toulouse, a French Air Force paratrooper stationed in Dakar for the next few years. We chatted for a while and it was pleasant and he was respectful.  He asked if he could kiss me ("No.") rather than just trying to kiss me, he gave me his number rather than asking for mine, and he wasn't ridiculous and persistent like Senegalese men tend to be.  So that was good, but I'm not planning to see him again.

We left at 9ish on Friday morning and got to Sokone at 4ish.  Ate lunch and then had way too many things to do and the power was out until about 11.  The village near the hostel (pictures of the hostel to follow) threw us a dance, which was cool, but then they made us dance a ton.  I'm not huge into dancing, I had danced the night before, and they were doing traditional Senegalese dance and music, so I had no idea what to do, was intimidated, and didn't enjoy it that much.  Ah well.

The next morning, Saturday, we had a lovely breakfast:

Then we went to a honey-making place:

And were given a container of mangrove honey.  Oh yeah, that's a big thing: Sokone is known for its mangrove forests, which are super cool and gorgeous.  We then went on a little barefoot walk through the mud into the mangrove grove to see the beehive boxes they kept in there.  There were crabs everywhere!

They were these adorable little colorful crabs that were purple and red and white:

After that we went to a dock and got on a boat:

The boat took us to some beach that was a mile or so walk from a village called Bambou.  Bambou is a
preserve, where there is no fishing or farming or nature-reaping of any kind permitted.  We had a delicious lunch of yassa poulet:

After lunch we lounged in the shade and then went kayaking and swimming in some water.  We had to walk through a stream through a dense mangrove forest to get to a bigger river, and there were, again, so many crabs!  Literally herds of hundreds of crabs skittered away from us wherever we walked.  There were so many of them that there was a sort of rushing clicking sound from their collective skittering.
We did some handstands and cartwheels on the beach and then swam and then went back and had watermelon.  When we finally got back on the boat to head back, there was a brilliant sunset starting.  We watched from the boat and enjoyed the clean water of the river (unlike the Senegal River up by St Louis/Richard Toll) and the lovely sunset.

We were headed to l'Isle d'Oiseaux (leel dwah-ZOE), whatever that was.  It was getting pretty dark and we still weren't seeing any birds, until suddenly we came across this:

It was crazy!  There were so many birds on this one stand of mangroves, and for no apparent reason!  Also, possibly related, there were whole schools of fish around us leaping out of the water.

We finally got back to the dock at about 7:30, when it was full dark.  I had already decided that this was one of the most incredible days of my life.  But then, there was this man who had come from Gambia (20 mins away) to eat dinner with us.

Not just any man.  This guy was Papa Diop (our professor)'s brother-in-law.  Oh, also...he's a famous reggae singer, the lead singer, composer, and creator of a band called Black African Positive.  He played us his music, sang for us, hung out, and told us to call him if/when we come to Gambia (we're seeing if we can go this week).

Finally we went to bed and slept like rocks.

UNTIL 6:20, when we woke up to watch the sun rise.  We walked down to this nearby salt marsh and sat out and watched one of the most gorgeous sunrises I've ever seen and took pictures of it and of us in front of it.  I will probably be tagged in some on Facebook soon.  Another great breakfast, this time with fresh mangrove honey (which is fabulous), and then we took a nap.  Did some gift shopping, hung out with some Senegalese school girls, ate lunch, and then headed back.

This has been a wonderful experience.

Today also marks the halfway point in my program.  Today is December 5th (Happy birthday, Mom!), and my flight to New York and then Detroit is March 5th.  I never expected to be having such a good time, and I think it'll only get better from here.

Thank you for reading my blog.  It means a lot to me; I talk to my friends here about how cool it is that I can put this stuff online and then hear from friends and family how fun it was for them to read it.  Keep reading and commenting and I'll keep posting.  Deal?  Deal.

Dreams

I've dreamed nearly every night since somewhere around halfway through my junior year of high school.  I don't always remember what I dreamed, but I generally do have some sense of what happened during the night.  Lately they've been really interesting, and last night was fabulous, so I thought I'd share.

Last night started out at a party at some mountain cabin hosted by my friend Zack (I heard from him for the first time in a while yesterday, hence his appearance in my subconscious).  It was a very Senegalese bash--great music, lots of dancing, tasty food and beverages.  I don't remember much of this part other than being thrilled to see Zack again and having a great time.

Skip forward a little and I was taking a trek through these mountains, now covered in snow and in northern Michigan, I think.  Somehow I knew that I needed to be careful of moose, because the males could be dangerous if I got too close to their babies.  One of my goals for this trip was to see some moose, so I was thrilled when there was not one, not two, but TEN moose wading in a freezing river right next to me!

Naturally, the cabin where I was suddenly destined was across the river, and of course I had to swim it.  So I gingerly got into the (wonderfully warm) frozen river upstream from the moose family.  I was being careful to keep my distance as I swam along, but then they all started swimming towards me!  Soon, I was being swarmed by baby moose.  I tried to make it clear to their daddies that I was staying in one place and it was them approaching me, not the other way around. They, too, started coming towards me, and I was afraid they would attack me with their huge antlers.

They swam up to me, sniffed me, nuzzled my shoulder, and hung out.  I continued crossing the river and they followed me onto the shore and into the cabin.  I had a little moose party and it was fabulous.

The end.

I hope that was as entertaining for you as it was for me last night.

That sounded a little weirder than I meant it.

I should write about Papa a bit.  He had a stroke about two weeks ago, and he spent about 4 days in the hospital.  He's home now, and starting to regain control over the left side of his body.  He can sort of fling his arm around, and he can move his leg a little.  He can talk, using mostly the right side of his mouth, and his Wolof is fine, but his French is pretty incomprehensible.  He likes to try to talk to me, but he doesn't enunciate at all and I don't speak enough Wolof to understand him.  Someone translates for him when he talks to me.

Papa is in his early sixties, I think, which is past the average life expectancy here (58 for men).  His health has been bad since I've been here, and it's been much worse lately.  I know that he's recovering, but I feel like that doesn't mean much in the long-term.  To make things worse, my family doesn't have a car, so when they have to take Papa back to the hospital tomorrow, they'll have to take a taxi.  Papa can't walk, so a lot of the strain is landing on Youssou.

Youssou and I went out walking last night for the first time in a long while and had a nice talk.  He bought me ice cream and was relieved to feel the sea breeze since it was his first time out of the house all day.

I wish there was more I could do to support my family right now.  I'm spending more time just hanging out and being social with them, but I worry about the strain my presence puts on them.  We'll see.  Hopefully things will get a lot better soon.

Happy first night of Hanukkah!  Hopefully I'll have some good stories to tell about that tomorrow.

Stuff!

I finally figured out (a few weeks ago) how to change the background on my blog. Did you notice?  I've decided to change it more often now to mix things up.  It's kind of fun.

Big news!
I'm going to be in SenCirk, THE circus troupe in Dakar!  I'll have to rearrange my classes a little bit to make it work, but I WILL make it work.  It may mean that I won't be able to travel during my break, but it may also mean that I'll get to perform on silks during my break...so that's cool.  There's a performance they're planning at the Olympic pool (which is where they practice) which would have the fabric rigged from a diving board over the pool.  Aminata (the director) was telling me about it and said nonchalantly, "So you'll probably be doing that."  Since I learned silks, that's always been one of my fantasies: silks over water.

I'll also be able to train other skills (that I am currently completely unskilled at), which will be great.  So, potentially, I won't go back to school having not done aerials in 9 months.  AND, I'll even have other cool skills and be in great shape.  Yay!

Classes are almost over, which means we have a bunch of papers to do now, but soon we will be done.  This weekend we're taking a trip to Socone, and I have no idea what we'll be doing there.

More to come soon!

Thanksgiving in Dakar

I feel as content as I could possibly hope to be right now.  I just celebrated Thanksgiving in an apartment we rented in Dakar (for $50/night) and now I'm resting and eating and lounging about.

Wednesday I could barely focus on classes because I was too busy trying to figure out how we were all going to get the ingredients we needed and cook all our Thanksgiving dishes in time for dinner on Thursday.  Wednesday night, the plan was to make curried butternut squash and granny smith apple soup, applesauce, and pies.  We were missing ingredients for all those things by the time we were going to get started (and by that point all the stores were closed), so we just bought some apples from a local boutique and made the applesauce.  We finished at 2:30 in the morning and then woke up at 7:15 to go to the food market to buy what we'd need for the rest of the day.  By 9:45 we were back and ready to go.  We spent the entire rest of the day cooking, up until about 5:30 or 6.  By the time we finished, we had:
curried pumpkin and apple soup
stuffing (from scratch)
4 challahs
green bean casserole
turkey and roasted veggies
mashed potatoes and stuffing
yams
green salad
fruit salad
"cranberry" sauce (made by boiling hibiscus into "bisap" juice, which is common here, and then adding the flowers, some citrus, a little sugar, and some gelatin.  It really tasted exactly like cranberries, but there were none in it [or Dakar]).
applesauce
2 pumpkin pies
apple pie

The 8 of us, plus Dinah from the Baobab Center, plus our 4 usual Sene-boys, plus Katy's brother Amadou, ate until we could eat no more.  We managed to finish almost half the food.

We went around and video taped each of us saying (in French) what we're thankful for.  It was particularly moving because we had pulled off a beautiful, delicious, inclusive holiday without any of the resources we usually had.  We cooked all day without power or water, without enough knives (and they were all dull), without moms to tell us how to do things (like cut the head off the turkey?), without family to come and tell us how much they'd missed us since the last gathering.  Still, the sense of community was almost tangible.  Some of us teared up when we talked about what we were thankful for, and we all felt how much it meant to everyone to be together.  It was exactly what Thanksgiving should be, and I'm so proud of all the women in my program for being willing to take on such a huge task and pull it off with such grace and style.

I'm thankful for the fact that I have such opportunities in my life to do completely new and different things.  I'm grateful that I'm constantly given chances to take risks that allow me (and force me) to grow as a person.  I love being here, I love the women here with me, and it constantly amazes me that I'm finally feeling in my element in a country that I had barely heard of two years ago.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone everywhere.

Amusingly Bad Night

Yesterday was Sarah's birthday.  I had a great day and a wonderful evening.  I went to bed excited to meet some circus folks in the morning...

And then everything went wrong.

I mentioned that on Friday night on the island I was getting eaten by mosquitoes.  I didn't mention that I now have over 60 mosquito bites just from my knees down.  I'd taken Benadryl the last couple nights because I knew that otherwise I wouldn't sleep through the itching.  I didn't want to take drugs to sleep for a third night in a row, particularly since I'd been having some trouble waking up.

After over an hour of unsuccessfully trying to sleep, I took half a Benadryl at midnight.  Around two, I finally dozed off.  Only to be woken up at three by something crawling over me.  Something kind of big.  I turned on my flashlight to discover a rather large (1.5 inch long) cockroach in my bed with me.  It quickly began scampering all over my mosquito net and I ducked out and grabbed a shoe.  I spent close to 30 mins chasing around this stupid giant cockroach as it skittered under my bed, up my wall, behind some plastic bags...and then I managed to corner it and club it with my shoe.

After that, of course, I was pumping with adrenaline.  Also, my mosquito bites were all itching again.  I ended up taking the second half of the Benadryl and falling asleep about an hour later, at around 4:30.

This morning I had my meeting.  Or I would have, if the circus people had shown up.  Instead, the guy who was supposed to be introducing me expressed his deep love for me and all beautiful American girls of Polish descent.  Then his friend joined us and found out I was Jewish and was thrilled at having met a Jewish girl (he loves Jewish people) and so he hung around for about an hour.  I missed two classes to get proposed to and talked at and in the end didn't get to meet the guys I wanted to meet.

There is a plan in place to get me introduced to these boys, and I'm impatient to see some progress.  For now...this is life in Senegal.  Comme ci, comme ca.

Weekend Number 10 (Edit: Actually Number 11)

I got stranded on an island in the middle of the night!

I decided to hang out with Billy on Friday night (after spending the afternoon at the beach) and we were looking to hang out at someone's house.  His friend Thomas has a house on Ile d'Ngor (the island off of Ngor beach), and he invited us to a house party he was throwing.  We left at about midnight, met up with Aya and Andrew, took a cab to Ngor, chartered a boat to the island.  The boat man said that some people had gone ahead of us and had his number, and he was going to come pick them up at about 4.

We went to the party and had some drinks and met people from Germany, France, Quebec, and the States.  We swam in the ocean and danced and talked (and I got devoured by mosquitoes) until 4 o'clock rolled around.  We tried calling the boat man, but he wasn't picking up.  He was sleeping.

We hung around some more, and at about 5 I crashed for a little while on a bed upstairs.  At 5:20, I was woken to go back to the beach--the boat was there!  Only, it wasn't actually.  Mamadou, the American Senegalese man among our group, took off his clothes and announced that he and James, one of the Americans, were going to steal a boat.  We managed to talk them out of it, and tried calling the boat guy a few more times.  In the meantime, Thomas came over to me and started apologizing profusely for the fact that I was not going to make it back in time for my field trip to Touba.  It was 5:45, and we were leaving at 7:30 for Touba.

I walked back to the house, and I had no sooner arrived than the boat was there!  So we all went back, and then Mamadou decided that the rates we were being charged were unfair (twice the normal rate).  He accused the boat man of raising the prices because we were toubabs (himself excluded) and the two of them got into a fistfight.  Turns out Mamadou speaks fluent Wolof, which was useful, but it would have been better if he wasn't using it to yell at the boat man.  By that point, 6 AM, I just wanted to go to sleep.

After breaking up the fight and taking the cab home, I arrived in Mermoz at about 6:50.  By that point, everyone had finished the first prayer of the day, the sun was up, and the birds were singing.  It was very confusing.  I bought an egg and tuna sandwich at the bakery, changed into mosque-appropriate clothing, and headed to school.

We went to Touba and saw the grand mosque, which was breathtaking.

We were in Touba only long enough to rest a while, eat, have tea, and see the mosque.  We got back in early evening, and I discovered that my Papa was in the hospital for his high blood pressure.  Everyone says he's doing okay, but that's a cultural thing.  They said Moussa was doing better up until he died, so I'm a bit nervous, but hopefully everything will work out.  For now, my house is even more weird and crazy than usual, because both parents are gone and everyone is still on vacation from Tabaski.

Alyssa and I went out to dinner last night when I discovered that my family was not feeding me, and then I Skyped my family (in the U.S.) for several hours, which was lovely.  When I went home to go to bed, I discovered several  cockroaches in my room, one of which I failed to kill.  I need to do some serious cleaning soon.

This morning I went to the Olympic pool to see Christine swim in her first Senegalese swim meet.  She did well (in my biased and uninformed opinion) and it was fun to watch.  I also discovered a funny looking piece of fabric hanging from the ceiling in the bleachers...an aerial silk!!!  I couldn't play on it because it was tied up, but I did find some people who worked at the pool and knew the circus boys and offered to introduce me Tuesday morning.  Now I have some renewed hope!

This week and next we have at least one paper or project due for every class, so it's a crazy work week.  I'm excited to get some stuff done and celebrate a fabulously unique Thanksgiving!

Tabaski

Tabaski, as I've mentioned, is a Muslim holiday commemorating Abraham's sacrificing (or his willingness to sacrifice) his son Isaac.  In memory of this sacrifice, the head of every Muslim household in Senegal (who can afford it) sacrifices at least one sheep.  My family this year killed two sheep and a goat.  Here's the goat, post-mortem.

My papa, who had been very ill and feeble in the last few weeks, was suddenly in great form yesterday.  His breathing wasn't labored, he was moving in a spritely way, and he was talking and laughing effortlessly.  He killed one or two moutons (we've given up calling sheep by the English word, and now I always think of them in French) before getting tired.  Then Youssou's friends Rawan and Gallo took over with a couple other neighborhood boys.  I watched something like 6 killings, which were not too bad.  Luckily for me, our house is way too small to kill animals in, so they dug a hole outside down the street and several other families joined mine in killing moutons over the hole.

Next, they prepared the carcasses for eating.

My family preparing moutons under the trees

My little cousin got some blood on her hand

Papa laughing and watching the younger men work

Lots of activity at Theresa's house, where they killed six moutons.

Then the cooking started, and it continued pretty much throughout the day.  Mama did most of our cooking, and I helped by making fries.  

We ate lunch and then I met up with Billy for a while and we walked to his friend Luke's house.  We talked for a while and then I took a nap.  Then I got all dressed up and started touring around the neighborhood saying hi to friends.

It was a good day, and the food was plentiful and delicious.  My family is kind of weird, I've been realizing.  Something that I don't understand at all happened in the morning and resulted in some people in the neighborhood being mad at my papa.  So my parents were both very tense and stressed and yelling at everyone.

I have been trying to spend more time at home and get closer to my family, but I've been realizing that my family just isn't close.  If I spend time at home, I can watch TV with whoever happens to be in the living room, but generally my family members don't interact much with each other and don't do much at home.

I also realized that my little sister doesn't have any friends.  She'll sometimes hang out with the little kids in the neighborhood, but they're all at least five years younger than her.  I've not once seen her with someone her age or older who isn't family.  I feel kind of bad for her, but she doesn't have friends because she's not friendly.  She's never once done something nice for me or said something friendly.  I went out on a limb the other day and let her use my computer, and she broke my headphones, closed everything I'd been using, and wrote on and looked through my Facebook.  When I explained why I wouldn't be lending her my computer again, she didn't apologize, she just checked to see if her mom had heard what I was saying.  Most of my interactions with her consist of her walking into my room uninvited and saying, "Erica, do you have ____?"  If I say no but she suspects that I'm lying, she starts looking through my stuff (this is common) and I ask her to leave.

So I'm feeling sort of cheated family-wise right now, but I have some benefits that other people don't have, like a key to the front door of the house.  I'm allowed to go out whenever I want and no one cares, which is quite nice.

Did I mention that Youssou has malaria?  He's a lot better now, but it was sad that he couldn't do much of anything for the holiday.

Saturday we're taking a field trip with our Islam class to Touba, the holiest city in West Africa.

I think that's about it for now.

Crazy Life

I had a very up-and-down week, and it's ended on sort of a down note.  Things are a lot better today, though, and I know they'll continue to improve.

The gist is that people have been lying about me a lot.  It's mostly unintentional, I think.  A little thing that I do wrong gets misconstrued and makes a mistake look like something I've done with ill intentions.  If you're reading this blog, you probably know me to be someone who lives without wishing ill on anyone, so that's been making me very uncomfortable.  There have been several small mix-ups that have built up and been misconstrued and for a short period I felt like everyone I know in Dakar thought I was a terrible person.  That's pretty much all cleared up now (Alhamdoulilaay [thank God]).

On Wednesday, I had a phenomenal conversation with one of the host brothers about religion and universality and the inter-connectedness of everything in the world.  It was beautiful and deep.  At one point he told me about this moment of clarity where he realized that God is in everyone and everyone is good and beautiful and just thinking about that moment, he started crying.  It was a great conversation (on the rooftop at night) and it was cool to be able to talk about all that in French.

...Unfortunately it was that same host brother who then caused a TON of drama.

Since Wednesday, I've been up late every night.  It's been good, except when I'm staying up late to tell my side of a story that people are upset about.  Like I said, though, things are getting better.  Most people realize that I'm not one to lie or to knowingly hurt people, so this hasn't been too complicated.

Pardon the fact that I haven't posted much in the last week--I haven't wanted to go into a desperate rant of complaining about Senegal.  I'm actually moving up on the W-curve, so I don't want to give an inaccurate impression.  Life is good!

French

While I've gotten a lot more comfortable speaking French in the last two months, I've also been picking up some bad habits.  There are a lot of Senegal-isms that are really improper French expressions that are starting to sound normal to me.  A lot of them are just Wolof phrases directly translated, when they don't actually translate.

Here are some examples:
"Tu t'en vas?"  It's meant to mean, "You're going?"  But it really makes no sense.  The proper French would be "Tu y vas?"

"Il y a du mieux?"  It's supposed to say, "You're doing better?  There's improvement?"  It translates to "There is some better?"  It should be, "Tu vas mieux?"

"Tu peux m'apprendre l'anglais?"  I hear this one ALL the time.  "You can learn me English?"  In Wolof, to teach is "to learn to someone," so it makes sense to a Wolof speaker.  It should actually be, "Tu peux m'enseigner l'anglais?"

I'm trying not to pick up bad French habits, but I'm worried that my judgement about French grammar may be slipping a little.

Picking Up

Life here is speeding up, even as I'm lacking energy.  It's now been almost a week since I got out of the hospital, but last night I still had to sleep 12 hours.  Today after class I'm planning to go work out on the beach.  I'm sure that will exhaust me, but I need to start rebuilding my strength and muscle and girlish figure and self-confidence and stuff.

We have a bunch of homework projects and assignments due in the coming weeks, plus we need to plan a Thanksgiving celebration.  Tabaski is coming up--it's the Muslim holiday commemorating Abraham's willingness to sacrifice his son Isaac at God's command in the Old Testament.  It involves dressing up and sacrificing a sheep.  I bought some traditional bazin, the fabric people make Tabaski clothes out of, yesterday.  It's a gorgeous and rather bright shade of orange, and Youssou was really excited about the design I came up with for it ("That's so nice!  It's just what I told you that you should wear!").

I'm still trying to reach the guy who said he'd give me contact information for finding an internship for my ICRP (research paper--15 pages written in French about an internship).  Hopefully he'll get back to me soon, but if not I'll just find something equally cool myself.  There's some serious revenge for you.

I had a nice talk with my host parents this afternoon.  Making more of an effort to be social with the family is a good thing.  Papa has really bad high blood pressure, and the drugs he's on for it make him sleep almost constantly.  He's clearly feeling ill and weak, and I wish there was more I could do for him.  Mama is stressed and working too hard, but she seems otherwise to be okay.

I'm excited about actually doing some productive stuff in the next few weeks, but I'm nervous about getting everything done.  Wish me luck, and I'll post again soon.

Weekend Number 8

I was able to go out last night!  I was feeling really depressed on Saturday.  On Friday night, Meredith, Sarah, Katy, and I went out to dinner at this restaurant near the Baobab Center.  It was delicious.  We were joined by the rest of the crew for drinks, plus a professor who lives nearby and heard our voices.  We had some drinks and chatted and enjoyed the ambiance of the restaurant for a few hours.  Then everyone wanted to go dancing, so I went home to spend the night all alone.  I knew I wasn't well enough to spend an entire night exerting myself, so I decided to get more sleep instead.

I felt really depressed when I woke up on Saturday.  I did some productive things and then ended up calling Billy to hang out.  We chatted all afternoon until the sun started going down, and then he invited me out for his friend Eli's birthday.  We went out to a swanky restaurant downtown where we split a hummus plate and some pasta.  Eli missed dinner because he was having an argument with his girlfriend via Skype.  Then we bought drinks at a corner store and then went to an oceanside club.  We danced and chatted and wandered for several hours.  Eli's wallet got stolen, which was pretty tragic.  Another kid got his phone stolen.  Youssou and Aya showed up right when we were preparing to leave, so we didn't hang out for long.

I had a great time spending time with a new group of people, and they were a lovely bunch.  I'm looking forward to more outings with them in the future.  Everyone was acting like I was Billy's date for the night, and I caught a couple meaningful glances aimed at him and seemingly about me from his friends.  I'm not sure whether that was his intention, but it did sort of seem that way.  I guess I'll find out about that later--he leaves tomorrow for the week, and I'm going to be away this weekend.

Things with Caleb haven't changed much.  I'm trying to distract myself and give him space, even though it feels wrong.  At this point, everything feels wrong, so...whatever.  Things will get better.  I just don't want him to come out of all this hating me, and I know I'm doing everything wrong, against my best intentions.

Also...this is sort of an odd thing to have to add.  This blog is public.  I make a point of trying to represent people and events fairly, but mostly this is just a place for people I care about to be able to keep track of what is going on in my life.  This is not a place for people to come get gossip to spread about people back home or people here in Dakar.  Please don't go around saying, "Erica said ____ about ____ on her blog!"  If you think someone should see something I've written about them, that's fine--this is public.  But it's not intended as a source of gossip.

On that note...  Youssou and I had yet another serious chat yesterday.  He said he's not going to try to hide his feelings for me, but he understands where I stand and isn't going to try to pressure me.  Still, he thinks I need a man.  He also said I should make more of an effort to be social--I've been tired and depressed all week, and as a result have been quiet and withdrawn.  He was right on with that, so I've been making more of an effort today.  I went out to the market today and had a great time, and we went out to dinner tonight.

Tomorrow is another market excursion, and after classes we're all hoping to go work out on the beach.

Have a great few days.  Until next time!

Malaria

When I posted last and was sort of indifferent to my surroundings, it was in part because I was feeling out of sorts.  I started feeling sick to my stomach every time I ate, developed a fever, and got a headache.  I saw a doctor, who told me I had the flu.  Theresa, who had the same symptoms as me, came with me and we went back to the hotel in Richard Toll.  We took some drugs that made us feel better and generally felt better the next day.  Theresa's fever broke and she was able to keep food down again and be healthy.  I think this is right about when I developed malaria.

My fever continued through Saturday, which is when we were scheduled to leave Richard Toll.  On Friday night, I was pretty unable to eat any dinner.  I was slowly forcing myself through it when the doctor came back.  I had never felt more ill and uncomfortable, and I guess I looked pretty miserable.  This doctor told me that my problem was that I was too weak because I wasn't eating.  I needed to make an effort, force myself to eat, come to his house with him, make tea with him and his wife (?!?!?!) and be up and active.  He then brought me a huge bowl of pineapple which he made me eat while he watched.  By this point, it was clear to the Senegalese students we were sharing the room with that this guy was crazy.  She got him to leave and then locked the door and said we wouldn't let him back in.  The pineapple made me sick, no surprise, and I woke up feeling even worse the next morning.  I told Prof Diallo that I didn't think I'd be able to make it back to Dakar.

I was taken to the only clinic in town, which happens to be for the sugar factory.  Seems like a good place for an ill girl with hypoglycemia...only they didn't once give me something for my blood sugar.  They did, however, give me a malaria test, which came up positive.  I was still unable to eat, and I was told I'd be taking an ambulance to Dakar.  The ambulance took 8 hours to show up, and another 8 to get to Dakar.  They took me straight to a clinic here, and then I was left alone to check in.  After a scary night alone and sicker than I'd ever been, I got moved to a lovely double room and used the last of my phone credit to call a friend and ask if someone could come hang out with me.  Meredith showed up less than an hour later.

From that point on, I was hardly left alone at all.  I spent Saturday night through Wednesday afternoon at the clinic.  Once I was on the right drugs, progress was pretty quick.  Now I'm home, and it feels great to not be hooked up to an IV and to be able to look after myself more.

Hopefully this will be the only time I get really ill here.  I'm glad this episode is over and I can get back to normal life.

Richard Toll

Has internet, apparently!  We're using the internet at the USAID office to do research for our presentations (the last assignment for our St. Louis River Valley course) tomorrow morning.

I have surprisingly little to say about the last few days.  We've seen a lot of water pumps and rice factories, and heard all manner of presentations in incomprehensible French.  I've been exhausted a lot of the time.

Yesterday we all had lunch with one of the host families.  They bought and killed a mouton (sheep) for lunch, and we had very fresh mouton with rice and onions.  After we had stuffed ourselves, they brought out beverages.  And then melon.  And then attaya.  By the time we finished, the sun was going down.  It was wonderful not just because of the food, but also because the whole time we were lounging under this massive mango tree.  It was shady and there were pillows and mats and it was just fantastic to get to relax in a comfortable place.  I feel like Richard Toll is a little short on comfy places.

I think Theresa and I are going to do our presentation on neo-colonialism.  While I research, I'm uploading pictures to Facebook.  If you aren't friends with me on FB and you want to see pictures, friend me.

I'm hoping I'll get a nap and get to do some shopping today.  And I'm looking forward to going back home to Dakar.

Senegal River Valley

Right now I'm on the island of St Louis, but we leave today to go back to our homestays in a town called Richard Toll (ree-sha TOE.  Sounds kind of like chateau (sha-TOE) when people say it.)  My host mom is a politician in Dakar.  There are three young women, two of whom have kids (but no husbands, as far as I can tell).  Everyone at the house is extremely friendly, and there are lots of little kids and babies and young adults around all the time.  They've been feeding us well and showing us around the neighborhood.  And everyday after lunch they give us crème glacée (frozen creamy juicy stuff in a little plastic pouch that you bite a corner off of) and then attaya, which is quite luxurious!

Now the less luxurious:
There's a baby girl who is about six months old but so far can barely support her head and can't roll over when she's laying on the floor.  Judging by what my cousin's six-month-olds can do, I get the sense that she's a little behind.  In the mornings, I wake up to her crying endlessly in the courtyard.  She only cries until someone comes and holds her, but it takes about an hour most of the time before that happens.

In the mornings, I get up out of bed and step around all the insects on the floor--they congregate in my room at night--and open the door.  Two birds who have been keeping watch immediately swoop into the room.  They have a next in the corner of the ceiling.  One night, we found a huge toad in the room.  We can't figure out how it got in, since there's no way it would have fit under the door.

There's nothing in the house that resembles a sink--that is, a faucet with a drain under it.  That isn't a big deal, except that I can't put in my contact lenses using the shower to rinse them off--I don't have any spare lenses right now, and I don't want to risk losing one.  So I've been brushing my teeth in the shower and wearing glasses a lot.

Okay, so that's home.  Now for some select adventures from the last week.

Monday while we were en route to Richard Toll, we got word that Prof Ibou's son had died.  There was brief talk of sending Alyssa and me back to Dakar for the funeral, but Rama at the Baobab Center said not to worry about that.  Tuesday we were told that we'd be walking in a marsh and to dress accordingly.  We drove to this little village with lots of kids who swarmed us and talked to us in some language that was not French, English, or Wolof.  My guess is that it was Pulaar, but I have no idea.

We started walking past the village and out into this flat, endless expanse of mud.  My sandals kept getting stuck and slipping off my feet, and I kept nearly falling.  After about 15 minutes, they gathered us all on a less sticky bit of mud and told us to take off our shoes.  We proceeded from there barefoot.  We asked Prof Thioub (choob) where we were going, and he said, "Just over there.  Not too far."  That's the typical Senegalese response for anything.  It turned out we were hiking 6 miles barefoot in the mud under full sun with no shade.  No one had known that was what we were going to be doing, so only two of us brought water, pretty much no one was wearing sunscreen, and I was the only one who'd brought a scarf to cover my shoulders.

Even though we came back dehydrated, sunburned, and exhausted, we had a phenomenal time.  The mud was cool and slippery and felt good between our toes, and the sillyness of what we were doing was wonderful.  It turned out that we were going to see rice patties, and it was neat to suddenly emerge from this flat, muddy, brown nothing to these fields and fields of bright green rice.

We saw a lot of water pumps on our various sorties (outings) the last couple of days.  We went to a sugar factory.  There are lovely beaches along the Senegal River.  We went by a farm run by a French neo-colonist and listened to our prof roast him (while smiling sweetly).

Yesterday we went to a wildlife refuge and saw some monkeys and tortoises and gazelles.  I had a love thing with one of the tortoises, Martin.  He's sixty years old.  I squatted down in front of him and chatted with him and he crawled closer and stuck his head out close to mine.  I pretended to kiss him.  It was great.

We later took little boats down the river to where it feeds into the ocean, la Langue de Barbarie (Barbarie's Tongue).  There were crabs everywhere, and they looked like cartoons or something.  They were so cute and silly-looking.  I collected tons of gorgeous shells.  The water was fabulous.  Then we hung out at a swanky hotel with a pool and a beach for the afternoon.

Today we head back to Richard Toll, and I probably won't have internet for another week.  I'm heading back to Dakar on Saturday, and life will continue pretty much as usual.  Hope this isn't too suspenseful for everyone!  Have a great week!

About to Leave

Things here just don't go according to plan.  Have you noticed that?

We were supposed to leave yesterday for St. Louis.  The prof who was supposed to take us had to stay with his son, who has been in the hospital for 3 weeks with a cerebral hemorrhage.  It appears that this son is now in a coma, so everyone in my family and Alyssa's (who are related to Moussa, the son) was very upset yesterday.  Prof Ibou told us that we would have to postpone our trip until next week.  I hadn't slept Saturday night, so I sleepily went back home and unpacked and went to bed.  I spent the day tired and depressed and then got a call from Rama at the school saying that we would be leaving Monday morning at 11.  So I had to repack everything and get all ready to go.

Youssou was mad at me yet again for saying things that I really never said.  My host sister lost the sketches we gave her for what we wanted our clothes at the tailor to look like.

Went to a house party and then out dancing on Saturday night.  I had a lot of fun, but the other girls were getting creeped on by very inappropriate guys.  We got back home at about 6 am, and then decided to just stay up since we were supposed to leave at 8.  But of course, we didn't leave then.

We're sitting in the bus about to go now, and it's only 2.5 hrs later than planned.  I'm looking forward to some time off from my family (aka Youssou), but I'll miss some people (aka Galo, who's the only laid-back, happy, caring, trustworthy guy I've met here).  I don't know when I'll be able to post next, but I'm sure I'll have exciting things to report.  Wish me luck!

Just another Thursday night?

We leave for St. Louis (pronounced San Loo-EE) on Sunday.  We'll be staying in a pretty modern village.  We'll all be in the same village, and we'll have two girls per household (sharing a room).  They are required to provide us with fans and mosquito nets.  The families speak only Wolof, no French.  I think we're staying in the homestays for about a week and then staying in a hotel.  Every day has at least one field trip, most of which require at least an hour's drive.  Throughout the course of the trip, we'll be putting together a presentation in teams of two or three of us plus a Senegalese student.

It sounds to me like lots of fun, and I'm looking forward to getting out of Dakar for a little while.

I had a big debate with Youssou last night. He greeted Alyssa, saying "How are you?  How are you and Amadou doing?"  He always does that to all the American girls, and he gets upset when anyone says they're not looking for a relationship.  It seems to baffle him why any American woman would come to Senegal other than to look for a relationship.  I explained to him that it's not interesting for us to be asked questions like that because they're not important and they're personal.  He said that he just doesn't want his friends wasting their time with us when we're not interested.  The discussion turned into me arguing that women and men can be friends, even if one of them wants more and the other doesn't, without either of them "wasting their time".  He said that wasn't the case.  The whole time, Youssou's friend Galo, who I adore, was standing in the doorway and putting his face in his hand every time Youssou talked.  Occasionally he'd ask Youssou, "Why are you saying that?  It's completely ridiculous!" or he'd tell me, "Don't listen to him.  He's crazy!"

Later last night we had been planning to go to the airport to see Liz off to the States.  They apparently had changed the airport policy recently so you can't enter the airport without a boarding pass.  We all said goodbye to her on the phone, and then we sat and talked in my room until 1:30 in the morning.  It was nice, because we hadn't had many real get-to-know you conversations with each other.  We've mostly only had them with the people we've met here.  I really adore the girls in my group, and I'm looking forward to spending the next bunch of months with them.

Meeting and Stuff

This morning I had my Empire des Enfants meeting.  It was confusing, to say the least.  Here's what I took from it:
-there is a group of 2 or 3 kids who put on circus shows.  I know right off that they are way better than me, but they're also all boys, so maybe they could use me for partner-y things
-they have everything they need at Empire des Enfants (EdE)
-they were given  by the city a space to use for free at the piscine Olympique (Olympic-size swimming pool), so they practice there now
-practicing at the pool, they have more space and more independence, but EdE has no say over their safety or anything
-it is totally unclear whether or not they would have any interest in having me teach circus stuff at EdE
-they really want me to teach English, though

Right now, I think where we stand is that the director will see if I can do stuff with circus people and I'll teach him English when I get back from St. Louis (we leave Sunday for our rural visit...which I'll have to talk more about later).

This adventure also included using public transit alone for the first time.  By the time I was on the bus, I still had no idea where the bus was going or when I was supposed to get off.  It was scary, but it also only cost 150 CFA, or about $0.30.

Now for something completely different: one of the girls on the program is going home.  I'm glad, because it's clear that Dakar is not a place she can be healthy, but I'm sad that she didn't have more say in the decision and I'll miss having her around.

My panel of advisers (aka friends and family) have pointed out that I might be portraying a lousy image of Caleb, so I thought I'd talk about how great he is for a little while.  I wouldn't be so hurt by him if I didn't think he was so fabulous.

On our first date, we went out to coffee, got pizza for dinner, looked at the moon through a telescope, ate fire, played pool, watched a movie, and then spent the night together.  Over the last year we went apple-picking, took a day-trip to Yosemite, saw San Francisco, went out to eat bunches of times, went stargazing in a cemetery in the rain, explored the Henderson Castle, watched sunrises and sunsets, tossed around Frisbees, cooked, drank wine, went rock climbing, hiked, drew on each other with Sharpies, and shared hundreds of other fun times.  It was by far the most fun I've ever had in a relationship, and I loved almost every moment of it.  Caleb is one of the best listeners I've ever met (when he's willing to be in contact, I guess), he's great at taking care of me when I'm sick or sad, and he gives fabulous advice.  He is always willing to try new things, and he is always the first to remind me to stand up for myself.

I'm probably one of his biggest fans.  But I also know that his method of dealing with stress is generally lousy for the people around him.  When he has a problem with someone, his impulse is to find a solution unilaterally and then let the other person know before going through with that solution.  It leaves no space to compromise with other people.  And that, that method of dealing with stress, is why I'm upset with where things stand.  I hope that gives a more balanced perspective on what's going on.

Baobab Center

I walked in this morning to go to my meeting, and Dwoyen said, "Something is wrong."  He told me to go talk to Rama and he'd reschedule my appointment.  So I still missed (and am in the process of missing, right now) Wolof class, but instead of having my exciting meeting, I cried in Rama's office about life in general.  She was great, and then Dinah came in.  Dinah was about to leave when she saw there was a student crying, but then she saw it was me, so she stayed and talked.  She said she'd take me out to lunch today, which will be nice.

Everyone was so great about not making me feel like this is just another everyday thing they have to deal with.  They really cared what was going on and made sure that I promised to come back to talk whenever I wanted.  Dwoyen said, "We're a family here.  I'm not some official sitting at a desk.  You can talk to me about whatever you want."

My meeting will be rescheduled, and I won't have to be battling tears when I go.  This is good.

At a Loss (edit)

Someone please explain to me what I'm doing wrong with Caleb.  I don't understand why the part of my life that made me happiest a month and a half ago is now such a mess, and I don't think I'm patient enough to wait five months to understand.  Really, what am I supposed to do here?

Edit:  I keep trying to think "this is harder for him," etc.  The truth is, though, I would never do something like this to someone in a situation like mine.  In the one time I did ask someone to stop contacting me, I waited until he was in a position to be well taken care of.  Last night, when I was feeling my worst, my entire extended family was at a wedding.  My friends at K were doing their homework for Monday.  I was with friends, but not people who know me well.  Alyssa is very sweet, but even she acknowledged that she didn't know me well enough to know what to do for me.  Not to mention, the only chocolate ice cream in the city is downtown--I have no access at night.

I felt that I needed to get a few things straight with Caleb last night, so I texted him and said we needed to talk.  Immediately his response was anger.  I feel like that's how it's been since I left the States, and I don't know where that anger is coming from.  In terms of last night, I can understand that he was angry that I went against his request.  But he wouldn't answer any of my questions or respond to my concerns, so I was left even more confused and depressed than I started.

He's uncomfortable that I'm posting about him on my blog.  I do understand that, but the purpose of this blog is to say what's on my mind so I don't have to repeat things to everyone I talk to.  I keep things as impersonal as possible, and I try to only write about my thoughts and feelings.  I'm not making any statements or assumptions about him as a person.

Weekend Number 5

Friday night:
Everyone wanted to go dancing except me.  Katy wasn't feeling well, so she and I and a few others were going to make attaya instead.  At the last minute, though, I ended up going to Sarr's house (remember him from weekend 2?) so he could explain to me how he hadn't misled me by introducing himself to me by a different name than he'd told to another girl on the program.  We (really I) made attaya.  I made great mousse (the foam you make by pouring tea back and forth from one cup to another [see photo])!  He was impressed speechless.  I was really tired and a little depressed all day, though, so it wasn't an especially exciting visit.

Saturday:

I woke up VERY depressed.  I couldn't make myself get out of bed, so I just laid there for hours, reading for a while, then setting the book down and crying for a while, then reading some more.  I wrote a very desperate letter to Caleb that I didn't send, just like all the others.  So far I think I've written four since last Sunday.  Eventually I got up and took a shower, which was good.  I hung out most of the day with Alyssa. 

We went to a softball game, which turned out to be major culture shock.  Not just because the softball field was just that--a FIELD--which I hadn't seen here, but because everyone was speaking English.  Without an accent.  Not to mention that the vast majority of people were white.  And they were playing American music and selling hot dogs and the entire thing was just completely surreal.  We ate a breakfast of bananas longer than our forearms, Fanta, and water.

Later on, we joined up with a bunch of other people from the program and went to a soccer game.  It was Senegal vs. Mauritania (or something like that) so it was HUGE!  It was really fun to watch, and we won 7-0.  After that we did attaya at Katy's house and watched half of Lost In Translation and went to bed.

Sunday:

I layered Katy's hair this morning.  I'm a big fan of cutting hair, and I've gotten reasonably good at it, which is cool.  There was a sortie (outing) to the banlieus (suburbs) today, which was really interesting, but exhausting.  That was about it for today, I guess.  Back home in California, my lovely cousin Kasi is getting married, and I wish I could be there to see it.  Tomorrow at 11 I have an appointment to see about circus teaching.

As much fun as I'm having, I'm having a really tough time with Caleb's absence in my life.  I realize that he's against compromising on this, and I continue telling myself that I'm strong enough that I don't need to find a compromise, but this is affecting my experience here and my life.  If it's so hard to get myself out of bed after a week without contact, I can't imagine what a month would feel like.  And I really don't want to find out.  I don't think this is something that will make me/us stronger with time.  I feel like it'll make me unfocused and then miserable, and when I get back and find that he's moved on and I haven't, it'll make me miserable.  I think I skipped the "bargaining" phase and have been switching back and forth between anger and  depression.  It's not so fun.

We'll see what tomorrow brings.

My Crazy Thursday Night

It started out pretty normal.  Katy and Theresa came over and I trimmed Katy's hair (and did a pretty darn good job, too!).  Then we ate dinner, and then Katy and Galo (superstar soccer player, my next-door neighbor, and a close friend of Youssou's) and Youssou and I went for a walk.

Skip ahead to Wolof class today.  Oumoul, my teacher, asks me in Wolof, "What did you do last night?"  I answer, "I went to the beach."  She thinks I've misspoken and asks me in French what I did.

"I went to the beach by Mermoz (my neighborhood) with a friend and two Senegalese boys.  There were two cops who came over and asked us for our identification (it's illegal to go around without i.d. here).  Katy didn't have hers, so they said that wasn't okay and that they'd have to take her in to the station.  Youssou said they couldn't do that because we live nearby and have a right to be here.  The cop said that Youssou could go in her place.  They talked for a while and then suddenly the cops walked away and said we could go.  We started walking away and then these two men, not in uniform, asked if we'd seen two men posing as police officers.  They were the real police, and they were looking for these other two men, who were just bandits!  It was very strange."  (Yes, I said all this in French.)

So...we got stopped by two men pretending to be police officers and then saw the two men looking to arrest them!  It was crazy!

Later that night, I had a serious talk with Youssou.  We wanted to make sure we were on the same page as far as going out/not going out.  He said he really wanted to be in a serious relationship with me.  He said we could go out for two or three years and then I can move here.  WHAT?!?!  I told him that was not a possibility.  In fact, I told him, I have no interest in a relationship.  At all.  With anyone.

Today at lunch we repeated most of this conversation.  It was all in good humor, and it wasn't uncomfortable, and he understands, but he's really hoping I'll change my mind.  But he does know what's going on, which is a relief.

It was a crazy night!  And now I'm in for a crazy Friday.  Fortunately, I'm having the time of my life.  Unfortunately, I would like to be in touch with the man who is the reason I'm not interested in anything with the men here.  We'll see about that.

Crazy crazy crazy.

Family Mysteries Unraveled

Doesn't that sound intense?

I've been finding out more about my host family and discovered that what I thought originally was mostly untrue. So here's my family:

Mama: Seynobou Mbaye
-runs a beauty supply store at the end of the street
-has three children, plus one
-had three more (two girls and a boy) who died (I'm guessing in infancy)

Papa: I don't know his name yet
-used to be director of the ports of Dakar, now unemployed

Oldest sister: Oumie
-dresses up fancy every day for work--I think she works as a tailor or something?

Brother: Youssou
-just found work as a supervisor someplace where he's in charge of sorting papers...or something

Younger sister: Aida
-age 15, goes to high school

Not-sister: Seynobou
-named after Mama and given to her by Papa's brother
-I'm not in Kansas any more

It was good that I figured out that Mama owns the beauty boutique, because I'd been wondering why people were always hauling beauty supplies by the busload into and out of our house.

Also, there's now a working light in my bathroom!  AND a flushing toilet!  I have never known such luxury (or, I haven't known it to be luxury when I've had it).

Youssou wants me to go with him and his friends to Goree Island this weekend, but it'd cost about $40, and I've already spent too much this week.  I don't know that I'm willing to spend that much on one weekend, especially when lodging is...uncertain (read: I'm pretty sure that I'd somehow end up sharing a room with Youssou, which I'm not so okay with).

I bought gorgeous fabrics the day before yesterday, and I'm itching to take them to the tailor to get clothing made.  Let me know if you want me to get something made for you.  Also, leave me comments.  They make me happy and let me know that people are actually reading this.

I Forgot!

When I was posting yesterday about the baptism, I forgot the best part!  On Friday, before we went home for attaya, we went to this little festival thing.  It was really just a little area fenced in with cloth.  There were chairs set up facing a makeshift stage, plus a little blanket on the ground for the kids.  We walked in and everyone stared at us (not unusual) and they cleared out some chairs in the front row for us.  When they were set to start, the emcee said, "Asalaa Maalekum!"  No one responded.  He said it again, and we said, "Maalekum Salaam!", which is the proper response, but no one else said anything.  We looked around, and everyone (I mean literally, every person there) was staring at us.  The emcee was just talking to us!  We were the only white people there. He also asked us how we were doing and whether we spoke Wolof.  Turns out the whole thing--there were little skits--was in Wolof.

So that was fun.

I talked to Youssou last night and he said he was upset that I was sad because I deserve to be happy.  He was talking about it like he was mad at me, though, so I pointed out that it was unrealistic to expect anyone to be happy all the time.  He said he understood.  He wants to visit me in St.Louis when we're on our rural visit, but I'm not sure whether I want him to.  He also wants to go to the beach with me all weekend...which is a little much for me.  Especially since he seems to want it to just be the two of us.  So I'll need to tell him to chill out a little soon.  As it is, I made sure that he understands that I'm not going to go out with him because I'm not ready to see someone now, and probably won't be for a while.  He respects that, which makes my life easier.

Afternoon class today was cancelled, so maybe we'll go to the market later?  Or I'll just rest and get over this nasty cold.  Either way, beats sitting in class feeling icky.

Grieving

I'm having a hard time right now.  I had a great time at the baptism, but I'll talk about that a little later.  For now, I'll talk about Caleb.  I got a text from him on my way home from the baptism explaining that he thought it would be best if we didn't talk again until I get back to the U.S.  There was an email from him waiting for me when I got home, and then I called to discuss things with him.  I understand that he's been having a much harder time than me being apart, but our priorities are different.  He wants to be able to move on and see other people.  I don't particularly want to move on and I'm indifferent at best about seeing other people.  Not talking will be hard for both of us, but it will help him attain what he wants without doing anything for my goals.  Also, he can read my blog if he wants to know what's going on in my life.  I have no way of doing the same.

Today marks the first day of five months of no contact with Caleb, who's been a fundamental part of my life for the last year.  Today also marks exactly one year since our first date.  I bet he doesn't remember that.

So now we're going to watch Erica go through Kubler-Ross's Six Stages of Grief.

Stage one: Denial
This one happened after I got the text but before I talked to him on the phone.  This is the part where I was telling myself that he would change his mind after we talked.  Clearly, in this stage, I forgot about how stubborn he is.

Stage two: Anger
This is where I am right now.  Not only is cutting off contact NOT conducive to having a future with someone, it's also not fair to the other person and it's selfish.  I realize he has to put himself first just like everyone else, but there are better ways of doing that.  I think it's stupid that he's dealing with the fact that we're both still in love with each other by pushing me further and further away, rather than listening to what he feels.  I know he's had bad experiences with long distance relationships, but I'm not that girl.  It doesn't have to be that way.

Things to look forward to: Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance

Now for the baptism.

We were planning to leave at 11:00 am for downtown, where we'd catch the bus to Kaolack.  Naturally, we didn't leave until 12:15-ish, and didn't get on the bus until about 1:15.  Someone had taken all our seats, so we were standing awkwardly when the bus started moving until they figured out who to kick off.  Our seats, when we got to use them, were fold-out seats in the aisle.  The backs of the seats came up to about the bottom of my shoulderblades, and there wasn't much padding on them.  The man to my right had a stutter and I'm not sure he spoke any French, but he seemed determined to talk to me.  I tried to understand him for a while, and then got frustrated and started trying to ignore him instead.  Then later, I looked  down and saw a spider on my lap.  I quickly brushed it away--it was a jumping spider!  It went hopping all over my area while I silently freaked out.  It was hot, and there was very little breeze on the bus.  The ride was 6 hours.  That was a new level of discomfort for me.

We got in and had "lunch" (by then it was about 8) and dinner was maybe an hour later.  Both were delicious, but would have been better if they'd been spaced out more.  We made attaya that night, which was a lot of fun.  Katy's "uncle" (he's in his late 20s) is vulgar and flirtatious, but he's also really funny.  It's interesting--a lot of "stylish" men here dress in styles that we consider gay in the U.S.

On Saturday morning, we were supposed to go back to the big house where the baptism was happening at 8:00.  I woke up at 7, and our house was dead silent.  I decided to wait around until I heard some movement, which wound up being about 8:30.  Then I had a hypoglycemic attack, then Amadou had to get a haircut, then we finally got to the house at 10:30.  We'd missed the actual ceremony, unfortunately.  They taped it, though, so we'll get to see it.  For now, I can describe what happens at a Muslim baptism.

The baptism is actually more of a naming ceremony.  They bring out the baby and two sheep, and they kill the sheep and then whisper in the baby's ears what its name is.  This baby is now a Muhammad, just like his father.  Then they dance and sing and serve lakh, a hot cereal with yogurt on it.

I slept in a bedroom for a bunch of hours, and Katy and Alyssa joined me for the end.  Then we socialized, ate lunch and dinner (peas!!!), and went home to sleep.  We went back Sunday morning for breakfast (bread with a chocolate spread like Nutella, but made with peanuts, and coffee) and lunch (cheb bu jen!), which were delicious.

Coming back, we decided to hire a car rather than taking the bus.  The family said it would be more comfortable and take half the time, and it was only 1.5 times the price!  They were wrong on both counts, though.  They stuck the three of us toubab girls in the way back with our bags, so we didn't have enough space to move our legs at all.  The car didn't stop at all (the bus stopped for lunch) and there was exhaust leaking in, so I felt a little queasy from breathing fumes.  6 hours later, we got home.  Enter drama with Caleb.

Also, sharing a bed with Alyssa, who's sick, got me sick.  So now I have a cold, I didn't get any sleep last night, I'm not allowed to talk to one of my closest friends, and I'm pretty depressed.

Oh, and Youssou is mad at me for going out this weekend.

I'm pretty sure this week will get better.  I'm looking forward to that.

Surprise!

I'm leaving town!  I'm skipping class today to leave town with Katy and Alyssa to go to Katy's newborn host brother's baptism in Kaolack.  I'm excited and nervous and have no idea what to expect.  We're leaving in about an hour.  Unfortunately, Youssou is now annoyed because he wanted to spend the weekend with me.  Good sign that this is not someone I should ever date--I am not going to stop making my own decisions and seizing opportunities.

Last night Meredith came over for dinner and we had peas!!  We had "petit poids" a week or two ago, and it was delicious.  Yesterday lunch wasn't ready until just about when I needed to head to school, so I didn't get to eat much.  Mama was really upset about that, so she said she'd make something extra special for dinner.  So we had peas and I was really happy.  Meredith and Youssou and Sarah and I went for a walk, and then Meredith and I went and hung out with Billy!  It was really nice; I like Billy.  I got to introduce him to Andrew, and I hung out with a bunch of little Senegalese kids who taught us clapping games and songs.  It was a nice night.

Now I need to send my resume out (again) to the people at Empire des Enfants (school for street kids) to see if I can teach some circus stuff there.  Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Here we go.

A day or two ago, we got some new students at the Baobab Center.  Now there's 8 K kids, one Beloit girl, 5 girls from Lynfield College in Oregon, and 4 from Wisconsin.  One of the Wisconsin kids is a boy!  Crazy!  Out of all 18 of us, there's only one boy.  Andrew is living with Alyssa's family right across the street from me.  He's pretty cool, as are all the others.

I kind of feel like I don't have much to say.  I've been eating lunch and dinner with my family, as usual.  I finally de-haired my legs, and now I feel much more human.  I'm looking forward to a weekend and some real sleep.  I feel like I haven't had any down time and haven't talked to people from home enough.

I'll try to update when I have more to say, I suppose.

Quick Post

Hopefully I'll add to this after class, but here we go:

I miss home, and I think I'm starting to slide down the W-curve.  Youssou told me he wants to go out with me, and I told him I don't want to do anything with anyone for at least another month.  Hopefully by then I'll have a better idea of who the people around me are and what I want.  We'll see what happens, but for now I don't really want to think about it.

That's been stressing me out a lot this week, especially along with adjusting to the distance with Caleb.

New students arrived recently...I'll talk about that more later.