Weekend Number 5

Friday night:
Everyone wanted to go dancing except me.  Katy wasn't feeling well, so she and I and a few others were going to make attaya instead.  At the last minute, though, I ended up going to Sarr's house (remember him from weekend 2?) so he could explain to me how he hadn't misled me by introducing himself to me by a different name than he'd told to another girl on the program.  We (really I) made attaya.  I made great mousse (the foam you make by pouring tea back and forth from one cup to another [see photo])!  He was impressed speechless.  I was really tired and a little depressed all day, though, so it wasn't an especially exciting visit.

Saturday:

I woke up VERY depressed.  I couldn't make myself get out of bed, so I just laid there for hours, reading for a while, then setting the book down and crying for a while, then reading some more.  I wrote a very desperate letter to Caleb that I didn't send, just like all the others.  So far I think I've written four since last Sunday.  Eventually I got up and took a shower, which was good.  I hung out most of the day with Alyssa. 

We went to a softball game, which turned out to be major culture shock.  Not just because the softball field was just that--a FIELD--which I hadn't seen here, but because everyone was speaking English.  Without an accent.  Not to mention that the vast majority of people were white.  And they were playing American music and selling hot dogs and the entire thing was just completely surreal.  We ate a breakfast of bananas longer than our forearms, Fanta, and water.

Later on, we joined up with a bunch of other people from the program and went to a soccer game.  It was Senegal vs. Mauritania (or something like that) so it was HUGE!  It was really fun to watch, and we won 7-0.  After that we did attaya at Katy's house and watched half of Lost In Translation and went to bed.

Sunday:

I layered Katy's hair this morning.  I'm a big fan of cutting hair, and I've gotten reasonably good at it, which is cool.  There was a sortie (outing) to the banlieus (suburbs) today, which was really interesting, but exhausting.  That was about it for today, I guess.  Back home in California, my lovely cousin Kasi is getting married, and I wish I could be there to see it.  Tomorrow at 11 I have an appointment to see about circus teaching.

As much fun as I'm having, I'm having a really tough time with Caleb's absence in my life.  I realize that he's against compromising on this, and I continue telling myself that I'm strong enough that I don't need to find a compromise, but this is affecting my experience here and my life.  If it's so hard to get myself out of bed after a week without contact, I can't imagine what a month would feel like.  And I really don't want to find out.  I don't think this is something that will make me/us stronger with time.  I feel like it'll make me unfocused and then miserable, and when I get back and find that he's moved on and I haven't, it'll make me miserable.  I think I skipped the "bargaining" phase and have been switching back and forth between anger and  depression.  It's not so fun.

We'll see what tomorrow brings.